


when two are one

by Kura



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, Barista Seth, College Student Seth, Domestic Violence, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of homophobia, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, POV Multiple, domestic abuse, mechanic!Dean, mechanic!Roman, mentions of drug abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:03:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2616131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kura/pseuds/Kura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'What vital part has fallen off our Black Beauty this time?' he asks as if nothing ever happened, as if he didn't just return from a god damn date with the luckiest person on this awful planet, probably still coming down from the short but hot car sex they had just a few minutes ago, using the fucking possessive pronoun as if they're still teenagers waiting to finally get their driver's license to take the Camaro out for a ride.</p><p>He needs to leave before he'll go on a rampage just because someone else got the chance to be Dean's boyf– oh, excuse him, his fuck buddy, cause Dean Ambrose doesn't do boyfriends. Or he simply doesn't do Seth Rollins. How could he ever believe that the friendship they once shared was enough to build a foundation for more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. I thought I could post this and see how people like it; it it's worth finishing this story. I don't really have a lot to say since all I can think about is that I'm going to see Dean live tomorrow and I think I'm gonna die XD Have fun. I know I'll have some.

'You again? Maybe we should give you a discount. Wouldn't want you to crash.'

Seth just rolls his eyes and gets out of the Camaro, looking around the garage as casually as he can. 'Dean not here?' he asks, watching Roman open the hood to look at the motor. There's nothing wrong with it – at least nothing that can't be fixed in next to no time.

Jeff, a friend of his who is also obsessed with all kinds of vehicles and loves to work on his own car in his free time, unplugged some cables to give Seth a reason to come here today too.

He's spent more time in _Reigns' Garage_ than at home in the past month, trying very hard to get closer to one of the mechanics again, but either Dean's never there or Roman, the owner's son, is always around – hovering over his co-worker like an overprotective shadow.

It would be cute, and worrisome if Seth hadn't seen him with his little daughter and fiancée already, but in fact it's just bothering him to no end.

He's wasted tons of the money he earns as a barista, whenever he's not studying, to get his Chevrolet fixed over and over. Surely everyone in here knows by now that Seth isn't just a very unlucky car owner.

Roman grins up at him, a light burning in his eyes that Seth doesn't particularly like. It's dangerously close to glee. 'Sorry, Richie Rich, he's out.' 'Stop calling me that,' Seth groans. Just thinking about his almost empty bank account makes him want to cry in a lonely corner.

Dean better start to show some real interest in him or Seth will have to abandon his pursuit. Thank God he got a full scholarship or else he would have to give up his studies, probably begging Roman to give him a job here too.

'Well, you do seem to have too much money if you come here almost every day because of nothing,' Roman mutters, putting the cables back in place after taking just a brief look at the insides of his car. 'Then maybe you should stop charging me,' he counters, eliciting a loud laughter from the man.

'You wish, college boy.' And with that he nods at Seth to get behind the wheel and start the car. God damn, they're already done and Seth still hasn't even seen Dean. His semester break is almost over and then he'll be trapped inside the library or behind a counter again with no chance to constantly remind the other of his intentions.

Who knows what'll happen in the meantime with Dean. What if he finds someone else as long as Seth is back in the city?

'So,' he says, sitting down and turning on the engine. The weird noise from before is gone, just like Jeff had promised. That car is his most treasured possession and he'd go nuts if anything serious happened to her. 'Where is Dean?'

Roman chuckles, closing the hood. 'Nice try, Casanova. You should go now.' Seth shakes his head determined, turning off the motor. He doesn't even know what he could possibly talk about now, how he can justify staying just a little while longer. They're not exactly friends; Dean being the only thing connecting them.

All he wants is see Dean smile and wink at him, while he rubs some oil and dirt off his hands with an equally soiled rag, talking about nothing in particular. Seth doesn't even mind if he blabbers about cars because he could listen to that husky, smooth voice forever. Getting the real deal after so long is so much better than calling Dean's old cell to hear a seven year old voicemail message.

'You could wash her.'

Roman just stares at him, mouth a thin line, eyes burning with fury. 'What?' he grits out through clenched teeth and Seth gets out of his Camaro to take a cautious step back. 'I mean– would you– she's kinda gunky,' Seth stutters, risking his neck with this careless talk. The man comes closer, trapping Seth against his own car, looming dangerously over him. How can he go from Bruce Banner to Hulk faster than the man himself?

'We repair automobiles. We offer paintwork. However, we do _not_ wash lovestruck college kids' cars just because they need a reason to stalk their prey. Who is, I'm sorry to inform you, on a date.'

There is no malice in Roman's words – at least not when he talks about Dean – and for a moment it seems as if he's actually sorry he had to break the news to Seth. The ire vanishes out of the mechanic's eyes and Roman sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose.

'I thought he doesn't do boyfriends anymore,' Seth whispers, knees suddenly very weak and he has to lean against his trunk to not fall to the ground. Roman claps him on the shoulder, an empathetic smile on his lips. To Seth it feels like the end of the world.

'He doesn't.'

What happened to him and Dean? He thought he knew him inside out, but it seems like he misinterpreted every interaction they had since he stumbled over him after years of not seeing each other. He really believed that the warm and gentle spark lighting up Dean's eyes whenever they met meant something.

He's been fooling himself, trying to pick up where they left off. But seven years are a long time and apparently people change.

'What do I owe you?' he murmurs, voice gravelly and shaking, making him sound like he just got his heart broken. It's embarrassing that he shows the mechanic how much those few words hurt him, how they destroyed a fantasy Seth had cherished for so long. Roman pats him on the head and waves his question off. 'This one's on the house.'

Something about how the other said those words make Seth realize that he better not show up at the garage anymore, unless his car really has to be repaired. Just to save himself the agony. He's never liked Roman so much as in this very moment.

'Thank you,' he manages to squeeze out without falling apart at the seams, sitting back into the car with his head held high, even though he's close to breaking point on the inside.

And of course his day just gets worse when a familiar voice rings out, making his heart jump in anticipation and joy, sending a pleasant shiver down his spine.

'Hey Seth,' Dean shouts through the open room, casually walking up to them to lean against his Camaro, looking all dapper as fuck with his washed-out jeans, that black, form-fitting v-neck and his dark gray leather jacket. Dean has no idea what his appearance does to him and thank heavens he's not on his feet anymore or else they would pretty damn sure give out.

'What vital part has fallen off our Black Beauty this time?' he asks as if nothing ever happened, as if he didn't just return from a god damn date with the luckiest person on this awful planet, probably still coming down from the short but hot car sex they had just a few minutes ago, using the fucking possessive pronoun as if they're still teenagers waiting to finally get their driver's license to take the Camaro out for a ride.

He needs to leave before he'll go on a rampage just because someone else got the chance to be Dean's boyf– oh, excuse him, his fuck buddy, cause Dean Ambrose doesn't do boyfriends. Or he simply doesn't do Seth Rollins. How could he ever believe that the friendship they once shared was enough to build a foundation for more?

He doesn't even know Dean anymore, has no idea what happened to him in the meantime, because the man just won't share his secrets. He probably has a fling at each finger, sleeping his way through town; still not caring about what other people think of him, having his fun with whoever he wants to.

Seth was a complete moron to think Dean never was able to forget him either, that his former neighbor and best friend still feels the same for him. He should get out of here and never come back. There are more than enough guys at college that want to date him. Seth guesses that he should give one of them a chance to finally get over Dean. He's wasted his best years to a person that no longer exists.

'Dude, sometimes I think it might be better for you to buy a new car.' Usually he'd answer with something cocky along the lines of _and be responsible for you not being able to pay your bills?_ but he fears he'll either let a car fall down on Dean or start puking as soon as he opens his mouth, so he does the only thing that makes sense to him.

Without even looking at the other two, Seth starts the car and backs up, this time being the one running away as fast as he can. He should call his boss and tell her he's free for the rest of his damn life. His business at home was a complete failure.

* * *

Dean blinks confused, looking at him kind of pleadingly. Roman really hates himself for agreeing to this stupid plan in the first place. Seeing Seth that depressed was not something he bargained for. He also feels like he needs a shower now. Lying was never his strong suit and it still makes him feel dirty.

He'll never understand how he could help his best friend with all this. The kid doesn't deserve being treated like that. After everything that has happened, he should finally get what he wanted for so long.

'What's up with Grumpy?' Dean asks, fingers running through his unruly curls. He sighs, already regretting crashing Seth's hopes the way he did. He's never had a way with words like Dean does.

'I told him,' Roman admits, watching his companion take off his jacket and shirt to slip into a shabby tank, ready to start his shift. 'Dean, are you sure you wanna do this?' Because Roman isn't convinced of this God awful plan anymore – never has been, to be honest.

He gets that Dean doesn't want to repeat the past and leave Seth behind without a farewell note, never once calling or writing a post card. But things are different now, aren't they? For one, both of them are a couple of years older. And for two, they're hardly the same kids they were back then anymore.

The only thing that hasn't changed one bit are the feelings they have for one another. Seems like sandbox love really never dies. These two dumbasses just need to see everything for what it really is. If Roman had been around back then, he would've made damn sure they'd fucked it out at least once.

Sadly, he only met Dean roughly two years ago and it took his best friend an almost successful suicide attempt to even talk about his childhood and a kid named Seth.

The look on both of their faces when Seth rolled up into his dad's garage with his beloved car was priceless. He's never seen Dean so lively and at ease.

Roman has no idea why everything went downhill from there.

So he has to do something about it and he's always thought the truth might hurt the most, but it's still better than a lie. 'He genuinely seems to lo–' Dean whips his hear around, gaze hard and unforgiving and the word dies on his tongue. 'Don't say it. It's better this way. I'm no good. He deserves more.'

Dean can try as hard as he wants to, but the only one he's fooling right now is himself. Seth seems to be pretty confident about the things he wants in life and Dean happens to be one of them. Just because his best friend is not able to forgive himself it does not mean that he's not good enough. Whatever that means.

Nobody is perfect, so no need to even try and be.

Roman is not done yet. He hates watching his best friend suffer and he definitely can tell when someone is head over heels in love. He strolls after Dean, who's faking to inspect the underside of the car Roman's currently working on, prodding even further. 'But he wants _you_. Most likely ever since the beginning of time.'

It's a shot in the dark, but from what Dean has told him so far it does sound like they had more than just an _experimental homosexual phase_ in their teens. Judging by Dean's reaction – head turning away from him, body language screaming _leave me alone_ – he's hit home.

'Ro.' It sounds a bit warningly, but it's nowhere near threatening enough to stop him. Is it that unthinkable that he just wants his best friend, his brother from another mother to be on cloud nine and enjoy the ride? Those two are making this whole thing more complicated than it needs to be.

He hands Dean a screwdriver, watching him look at the car a bit helplessly, unwilling to admit he has no clue what he's supposed to do now, since he has no idea what Roman should repair. That's his cue. 'And you clearly like him too. What's the big deal?'

He really doesn't get it. So Dean ran away a couple of years ago. What matters though is that he came back and Seth found his way into his dad's garage. That's not just some coincidence, that's fate right there.

Dean doesn't try to talk smack at him, just stares into the direction Seth vanished into like he was being chased by the devil himself. Next time he sees the kid, he won't lie for Dean anymore, won't rain on the boy's parade by telling him Dean has no interest in a boyfriend or dates or reconciling with Seth just because his best friend is too afraid to admit he does want all these things.

'I don't deserve him,' Dean murmurs, a lost and sad shimmer in his eyes when he turns around to face Roman. He's known Dean for quite a while now – not nearly as long as Seth but long enough to know what's going on in that brain – however, he still can't understand why Dean thinks so lowly of himself.

What happened in those five years between Dean leaving town and him bumping into Roman, stealing his wallet that changed a carefree, loud-mouthed, bratty teenager into the self-conscious, self-harming person standing in front of him? He still has all these character traits, but if it's about Seth they're all gone.

'Says who?' he asks back, shrugging casually, pointing towards the brakes to show Dean what they need to replace before closing time. The only one standing in the way of this undoubtedly great relationship is Dean, denying himself well-deserved happiness.

And man, would he make that Seth kid the happiest person in the world if he'd be able to jump over his own shadow.

Dean almost throws the screwdriver back into his hand, nostrils flaring, the sarcastic mask finally cracking. Took him long enough. 'Look, I'm a high school dropout,' Dean starts to explain, walking the garage up and down, clearly too much nervous energy flowing through his body.

Roman leans against the wall, watching his friend blow a gasket. It's terrifying and beautiful at the same time.

'I nearly killed myself with an OD last year. My father is in jail for almost killing me and my mother – who died shortly afterwards, cause there was no one paying the bills to keep her hooked to the machines – because he caught me banging Seth in his living room.'

Wow. So, that's what's eating away at Dean all hours of the day. Fuck. He didn't know. He has so many questions now, but Dean doesn't look like he's in the mood to answer even a single one of them.

Like, what happened to Seth, who was right there with him? Why did Dean leave, obviously still wounded and injured and did he even know what was going on with his mom? What kind of father does that to his own family just because his only son is gay?

That does shine some light on a few of Roman's questions, but it still doesn't justify Dean shutting himself off, pushing Seth away even though the boy still wants him – even with their shared past. There aren't that many people accepting others the way they are, the good and the bad, and Seth is a gift. One Dean shouldn't waste.

'There is no place for me in Seth's regulated life anymore and you should stop talking about him if you know what's good for you.' Alright, he can take a hint. But this is far from over. If Roman has to play Cupid, then so be it. Seth has his heart in the right place, even kept Dean's car all those years, faking some problems to come here day after day, so he can get back a tiny bit of the past they once shared.

'Look,' he says, tapping Dean on the shoulder, forcing his friend to look him in the eyes. 'All I'm saying is that you should give the two of you a chance. Don't be so hard on yourself. You've changed and keep proper hours now. You're not a bad person. And if you wait too long, someone else will realize what a great catch he is. Time's ticking, Dee.'

Dean bats his hand away, walking into the office to get something to drink. 'Drop it,' he adds warningly, not even bothering to turn around while talking to him.

His friend has shared more about himself in one hour than he did in the past two years, thought there's still a lot Roman doesn't know. Things Dean keeps from him. However, he's finally opening up; all because Seth walked out on him. It's gonna be a long and bumpy road, but there's still hope for them.

Roman follows his brother, deciding against leaving Dean some space to breathe to drive his point home. 'Dean, you've punished yourself enough already. You're entitled to a normal life too.'

All the fight has left his friend's body, shoulders sagging down, an impatient sigh tumbling out of his mouth. 'I'll think about it.' Now that sounds like a compromise he can accept. He walks up to Dean and hugs him close, taking advantage of the distraught state of his brother. Otherwise Dean wouldn't accept his affections in public.

'That's my man.'

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, almost a month since I started this fic. And even though I've finished it (all but one chapter) already, I never got around to post this. I hope you guys know and understand that _Let The World Know_ will always be my number one priority, but I will try to not let you wait this long for the third chapter.

'Hey, college boy.' Seth looks up, surprise written all over his face. Roman can't tell if he's glad to see him or not, but he can say that he himself is more than happy to meet Seth here. Though he has to admit that it's not really a coincidence he showed up at the kid's work place.

And damn, he had to drink a lot of coffee in the past few weeks to find out where in Des Moines Seth is working after his classes. All because the boy heeded his moronic advice to not show up at the garage anymore. Seth never listened to him before, but the one time he's not in the best mood and lies for Dean's sake, that idiot actually does.

Dean has been all kinds of grumpy ever since Seth left – for good as it would seem –, driving Roman slowly into insanity because he can't watch his best friend suffer like this. Not that Dean would ever admit that he misses Seth, but Roman is not blind.

That's why he's here, trying to find out if the other is still interested in any kind of relationship, which he doesn't really doubt. Roman suspects he's just as stubborn as Dean, waiting for him to make the first move. He's never seen two bigger fools in love, but he's dead set on helping them along.

Just so he can come to work without having to deal with a snarling, sullen co-worker every day. He misses the time when Dean would be so engrossed in his work that he'd sing along to the radio, completely forgetting where he was and who was there with him. When Dean strolled around the shop with a little, confident swagger in his walk, just happy to be there and work for his money in a job he can be proud of.

Dean enjoys this profession way more than him, which is why he pitched the idea to his father to give the garage to his best friend once he retires. Dean has earned it. But Roman would demand a pay raise, of course.

'Roman,' Seth says, the insecurity in his voice betraying the annoyed expression. He lets go of the rag he used to wipe the counter with and looks behind Roman, probably in the hopes there'd be a long line, so he doesn't have to deal with him. But the puppy's out of luck. There is no one in the shop besides him, so they have all the time in the world.

Well, not really, since his daughter is waiting outside, having the time of her life on the little mechanic, bright pink pony. He can hear her laugh even through the closed doors, waving at him with a huge smile on her adorable face, while the horse gently rocks her back and forth.

'What are you doing here?' Isn't it obvious? He was the one who told Seth to stay away – all because Dean is too thickheaded to admit he's the best thing that's ever happened to Seth and vice versa –, so naturally he wants to be the one telling him he needs to come back.

He even misses Seth rolling up in Dean's old Camaro, asking for help to keep her in a splendid condition by making him fix whatever abstruse problem he could come up with this time.

The Chevrolet should be Dean's biggest clue that Seth was never able to forget him. The kid took care of a car, paid for it with the last bits of his money, just to keep it in good shape. Like he wanted to make sure it was fine until Dean came back to him, so he would see that he and their friendship mattered a lot.

He makes a vague hand gesture and puts on his most charming smile. 'Hoping to get a coffee and a hot chocolate – the white one – for my daughter,' Roman finally answers the question, frowning when Seth looks at him as if he just spotted an alien crawling out of his ear. 'What? You think us bumchucks don't know our way into the city?'

Seth rolls his eyes and turns to the coffee machine without saying a word. The kid is so much like Dean. Obstinate, headstrong, obdurate and totally getting on his nerves with his stupidity.

Why can't people ever accept that the thing right in front of them is the real deal? That it doesn't get better than this? That Dean is his soulmate and Seth is his brother's one true love. High school romances usually don't last – at least he's never seen one work so far – but those two clearly are destined to be together.

Even a blind man would be able to see the unbreakable bond between them. It's like a corny chick flick's going on every time they meet. The impact they made on each other's lives is too big to just throw everything away carelessly. Dean has done so once, Roman won't let him make the same mistake twice.

Seth puts the hot chocolate on the counter, grabbing a second cup to make the coffee for him. Still not a single word. Hopefully he's not that rude to all his customers.

'You alright?' he asks, hoping to get the real conversation started before he has to throw his drink at Seth to stall for more time. 'Never been better,' comes the almost arrogant reply. Seriously? Seth wants to play _that_ game now? Man, He's is too old for this shit.

A good clobber over the head would probably solve this mess but he thinks it can't hurt to try the civilized way first. Someone of the three of them has to be the mature one.

His silence seems to work, because Seth stops his task, the empty cup still waiting to be filled, his curiosity stronger than his stubbornness.

'How's business going?' Oh for God's sake, he's so sick of this slow dance. Really, how much resentment and insecurity took hold over their hearts in the past that both of them can't stop pining over each other but don't dare to step up first?

Though, he has to give Seth some credit too. He tried very hard to show Dean that he has no problem with picking up where they left off, practically shoving his heart into Dean's hands.

So he decides to lighten the mood, somehow feeling a bit bad for Seth because he got rejected so many times in the past month and completely gave up the moment Roman lied to him about Dean's dating life. He never thought he'd be the one ruining something perfect.

'We lost our most profitable client, but we manage.' That does elicit a tiny, amused smile out of the other, before his eyes turn dark and he shakes his head as if to remind himself of a resolve he made, a promise to not give into his temptation again.

To save himself the heartache.

Smart, but really sad too, isn't it? The shadow of Dean is hovering over them, his name on the tip of their tongues, yet Seth is too proud to be the first one to crack.

Apart from the fact that his daughter is outside, waiting for him to give her her favorite drink, he's so done with playing this game. He likes it better when people talk about what goes through their heads instead of making him figure it out on his own.

'You're not gonna ask?' he sighs annoyed, the cocked eyebrow on Seth's face showing him that he knows very well what this surprise visit is all about. 'No.' Sometimes he wishes he could just ignore this and go on with his life, not caring about this love mess, but Dean is his best friend and Seth doesn't seem too bad and all he wants for his brother is to be happy.

'So,' he changes the subject, thinking it can't be wrong to try a different approach by getting to know Seth better. He likes the kid, but he needs his trust too. 'You're gonna be an architect?' Actually, he has no idea what he's studying, never asked either Dean or Seth himself, but for some reason he believes he's overheard that one time.

'Lawyer,' the other corrects him, all friendliness suddenly gone. Not so fast, kid. They're not done yet. 'Dean might need one in the future.' That's hopefully a blatant lie, but it can never hurt to know one who's not the devil's advocate in a fancy suit.

Seth puts the lid on his coffee and punches some numbers into the register, looking at him as if he's the last person on earth he ever wanted to see, pointing at the amount he has to pay with a forced friendly expression. 'As nice as this has been, I got work to do.'

The shop is still empty, but he knows when he's not welcome. This sure didn't go the way he expected. Still, he can't stop himself from swallowing down his pride to help out his best friend. 'Course,' Roman shrugs, showing Seth that he knows very well when he's being lied to.

'Just– maybe you could swing by during the holidays. I'll even wash your car.' He certainly won't, but it's always worth a shot. Seth stares at him with wide, almost thankful eyes, before his brain takes over and the kid grits out a very harsh and distant, 'Not going home this year.'

If he wouldn't go to jail for murdering Seth, he'd totally stab him in the heart right now, because that's what Dean is going through every time Roman tells him he's ready to close the garage and Seth hasn't showed up.

But fine, he's failed today and he has to accept his defeat. However, if he's lucky, his visit at least got the ball rolling. Small ripples can cause the largest waves.

'See you around,' he bids his farewell and leaves the shop kind of unsatisfied, which changes as soon as his daughter runs to him with a loud, exuberant cheer, grabbing her hot chocolate eagerly and he can barely keep her from taking a large gulp that will burn her throat.

* * *

**June 27, 2014**

He can't believe this damn car decides to let him down just when he wants to take her out for a ride to hear her purr, see if she's still alright after uselessly standing around for weeks. Never before has the malfunction indicator lamp flashed this angrily at him and he curses Dean for the first time for giving him the Chevy without leaving him money for her too.

He's just saved enough of his salary to go on this weekend trip to Minnesota, so he could take his mind off his studies and work and his non-existent life. Thankfully, he'll get his Bachelor degree in a few months, so he can specialize in Family Counseling – after Dean he couldn't help himself – and get a proper job, so he gives this old car the special treatment she deserves.

Five years ago, his parents thought he should have a new one, but Seth refused to even talk about that option. If they wanted to do him a favor, they could give him some money so he could redo the paint work. His dad paid for it, before he left him and his mom and took all their money with him. Kind of like a crappy _don't be sad we're getting divorced_ gift.

He has a stepdad now, a very kind man and Seth likes him a lot, simply because he makes his mother happy. And he got two siblings he adores but who also constantly make fun of him because he won't give up on the Camaro. They, as well as everybody else, fail to understand that this is all he has left from Dean – aside from the memories.

There are no pictures of them together, no love notes he has hidden in a shoe box in his closet, no bracelets or other tokens of their relationship. It's not like they never thought about it, they just always forgot. They'd been teenagers, clumsy and horny; the two of them never had enough time for anything.

He tried to have a boyfriend after Dean, but it just wasn't the same. It, _they_ , never felt right, so he dumped all of them, completely giving up on all kinds of relationships when he went to college. Maybe he wasn't made for anyone else and to be honest, he never got over Dean leaving him in the dead of the night without a single word in the first place.

Dean didn't break his heart, which is odd; it's more like he kissed him goodnight without telling him he'd be gone forever, leaving Seth to think he'd see him in the morning. He never got any closure, but a part of Seth didn't want it.

Getting that would mean having to let go of Dean and that's the last thing on earth he aims for. One day they'll meet again; Seth strongly believes that. He only has to wait a bit longer and Dean will walk into his life as unceremoniously and silently as he vanished out of it.

Well, seems like he'll spend his saved money on the black Chevy once more, keeping the memory of his ex-boyfriend alive for as long as he possibly can. He'll probably die alone and forsaken, the Camaro his only companion just because he's unwilling to accept that Dean chose a life without him.

'Trouble in paradise?' his dad asks – well, technically his stepfather, but he calls him dad for ages now; he's much closer with him than his biological father anyway –, smiling down at him through the open window. 'She's only giving me the same amount of headaches as her previous owner.'

He gets a friendly clap on the shoulder for that, as well as the directions to the newest, but undoubtedly best and cheapest garage in town. 'Heard a real hunk works there,' his dad adds, obviously thinking that these news will somehow make him happy. 'With a huge tattoo, long, black hair, half-Samoan.'

That's so not the type of man he likes, but he appreciates the thought nonetheless. 'Where's the catch?' he asks, not wanting to squash his dad's hopes that he'll go out and find someone who loves him back as much as he still loves Dean. His father is one of the very few people who know the true story of what happened the night he woke up bloody and concussed in Dean's house, the almost dead Mrs Ambrose getting put on a gurney, no signs of his best friend or Mr Ambrose.

'I also heard he has a daughter.' Seth laughs and starts the engine again, praying that the weird noise doesn't mean she's gonna die on him on the way to the garage, tipping two fingers at his forehead to say bye. A kid wouldn't scare him away, but he's not looking for a partner at the moment. Or ever.

Seems like he should go to therapy once more, to deal with his obvious _Dean Ambrose ruined me for everybody else_ problem.

Seth finds the place very quickly, the car thankfully not letting him down even though he gets the feeling that red light blinks faster and more warningly with each second that passes. 'Almost there, baby,' he tries to soothe the car, patting her lightly on the dashboard. 'The Adonis will take care of you.'

He turns the steering wheel to the left, rolling up the driveway and almost crashes his beloved Camaro into another parked car when his eyes land on a guy in a dirty overall, the heat of the late June sun making the man sweat so much that he decided to strip off his goddamn wife beater in this very moment.

His dad was right, there _is_ a hunk working here, but it's not a tanned, inked Samoan. It's a– _wait a second_. Hold the freaking phone. He knows those scars, has run his fingers over them more times than he can imagine, even traced them with his tongue.

It can't be. This is a fucking joke, a trick of his imagination. He's hallucinating. It finally happened; his mind shattered completely. There's no way _he_ would come back and not tell Seth.

But then again, he left without a word too.

Before he even has the chance to get out of his car, Dean turns around, eyes roaming over it and the license plate, face lighting up as if someone just switched on the freaking sun. 'Well fuck me,' Seth hears the almost awestruck whisper and for a moment time stands still.

They haven't locked gazes yet but Seth already feels like his insides have turned to lava. Rage and disbelief surge through his body, fighting for dominance.

'Ro, you gotta see this. Holy shit, that's my first car,' he yells all over the place, the most delighted smile settling down on his face, hands reaching out as if he wants to touch the Camaro to make sure he's not imagining this. Good to see they're both having a hard time believing this is indeed happening.

If Seth ever had any doubts about this being Dean, all of them got erased the moment he opened his mouth. He could never forget that voice. It's deeper and rougher now, but there's no mistaking. His breath hitches in his throat and his eyes start to burn.

He spent the past seven years searching for a ghost and here he is, five minutes away from his parents' home, unharmed, safe, happy. Dean has a new life that doesn't involve Seth and it's making him feel hollow and like he shouldn't even be here.

But his car – Dean's beautiful, treacherous Chevrolet – chooses that moment to get closer to its rightful owner again, engine stuttering and going out with a loud bang. Awesome. What a great first impression Dean must get now, thinking he didn't treat his baby with the utmost respect.

A tall man walks out, shielding his eyes from the bright sunlight, bumping his shoulder against Dean's while snickering, 'Congrats.' Dean rolls his eyes and steps closer, fingers now tentatively grazing over the hood and Seth can pin down the exact moment skin connects with steel.

He's been here before, a whole lifetime ago and for a second all his eyes are able to see is a younger version of Dean with longer, sleeked hair that he used to put in a ponytail, wearing shirts with stupid yet funny prints on it and jeans that had more holes than was probably in, nose piercing and ear ring, showing Seth for the first time the seven year old second-hand vehicle he bought after saving almost his entire life for it.

There's a nice scruff on Dean's face, dirty blond, light brown hair shimmering in the sunshine, lazy, curly strands falling into his blue eyes. He has put on a lot of muscles and for a few heartbeats Seth can only stare at the biceps before he continues to take in Dean's new appearance.

He looks great; at ease. Not at all how Seth remembers him. Though, to be fair, the last memory he has of Dean is a whispered _I'm sorry_.

He wishes the car would still work, because he'd love nothing more than to drive away, disappear before he recognizes him, before he can do any damage. If Dean hasn't reached out to him yet, then it's pretty clear he doesn't want him in his life.

Right now the Camaro is nothing more than a cracked shield separating him from Dean. He'll look at him every moment and as soon as their gazes meet, he'll know. Dean will be able to tell who he is, thanks to the little scar on his cheekbone.

Because he was the one giving it to him when they were little kids.

Oh God, he's waited for _this_ for a whole lifetime and now that Dean is within his grasp he can't move, can't breathe, can't even think straight. Countless questions are burning on his tongue, ready to be thrown at his childhood friend, but most of all Seth just feels let down. By Dean and the world alike.

His hands shake when he reaches for the handle and he needs two attempts to open the door. Getting out will change everything, will make Dean real once again and Seth will no longer have an excuse to live in the past. He's not ready to lose Dean once more.

He just found him.

'Sorry for groping your car, man,' his former friend apologizes, still sounding so damn elated that his chest starts to hurt, 'but that's my old–' Dean blinks twice, stepping closer, right hand hovering awkwardly in the air – as if he wants to touch him too, to make sure he's not just projecting Seth's face onto some stranger because he's in possession of the Camaro.

For a moment shock freezes Dean's whole body and Seth can see it in his eyes that his mind takes him back several years – making him see the good and the bad, plus the horrible ending – before he's able to cover it up with an unbelieving laugh.

'Ro,' he breathes, fingers reaching for his co-worker's arm so he can find something to hold on to. 'Tell me you see a bearded guy with blond and brunette hair and a little scar on the cheek, right under his glasses.' _Ro_ looks at Seth with a curious expression, like he's some animal in the zoo he's never seen before, the gaze making him sweat nervously.

'All there, Dee. Know him?' Dean doesn't even listen to the question, just covers his mouth, only now realizing that Seth is indeed standing right in front of him. 'That's,' his childhood friend breathes out, and before he can react Dean is _hugging_ him _._

He doesn't even care about all the sweat and grease; for a moment Seth feels way too blessed, old memories washing over him, burying him under a pleasant wave of nostalgia and happiness. He can't stop his arms from reaching out and returning the embrace, too ecstatic to have Dean this close again.

'Seth,' his childhood friend murmurs into his ear, nose nuzzling against his cheek, 'is this a dream?' 'No,' he reassures him, running his fingers through the slightly damp hair, pressing Dean as close to his body as he possibly can; successfully ignoring the intrigued look this Ro guy is throwing at them.

Neither one of them wants to let go, that much is obvious, but Seth pulls away when Dean's friend starts to cock his eyebrows.

'Ro, that's,' Dean introduces him, but the man just holds out a hand for him to shake and grins, 'Seth. Yeah, I gathered that much.' He wants to say that it's nice to meet one of Dean's friends but the moment he thinks that the words get stuck in his throat, forming a gigantic lump he can't swallow down again.

His silence becomes weird, so Dean takes it upon himself to break it, cupping Seth's right cheek with his hand and smiling at him all lovingly. Wow, whatever happened in the last years to Dean, it worked like magic.

'Can't believe you kept her.' What was he supposed to do? Just get rid of his first love's car, a piece of history and source of all kinds of awesome memories? Who does he think he is? 'Good car,' he forces his mouth to talk, his own voice sounding like that of a stranger.

Dean chuckles and lets go of his face, taking in the sight of his beloved baby. 'She's fourteen, man. I wouldn't have held it against you if you'd gotten rid of her.' He tries to play it down with a big smile, but he can see that Dean is completely overwhelmed that Seth never gave up on _him_.

'I'll leave you two to it, then. Nice to finally meet you,' Dean's co-worker waves at them, walking back into the garage, the sound of his footsteps matching the light chuckle they can hear. So, this Ro guy knows all about their relationship, which means that Dean trusts him implicitly.

However the man did that, he made Dean tell him their story and judging by the way he looked at them, he also knows the ungraceful ending. A lot has changed in the past and Seth isn't too excited about it.

What couldn't be altered by time is the chemistry they have, because Seth can still feel that spark, that strange electricity, still has butterflies in his stomach when he dares to fleetingly glance into Dean's eyes, still wishes to keep the other forever.

What the past also couldn't erase are Seth's feelings for him. He's not quite sure if he's supposed to be glad or disappointed by that. Dean is not his anymore, yet he's all Seth wants. Whoever stays faithful for over seven goddamn years deserves a second chance, right?

'You're back.' The words just tumble out of his mouth, like he needs to let Dean know how surreal this situation is and that he waited so long to say them. Dean has the decency to look guilty at that, rubbing at the back of his neck, a huge black stain appearing on the skin.

'Uhm, yeah.' Yet he won't share the exact date he decided to come back. 'Thought you're living in the city.' Wait. So Dean knows he's residing on campus. He found out where he is, what he's doing but even though he fucking _knows_ , he never tried to reach out to him.

This day just keeps getting better and better.

'How do you know?' he asks, closing the car door and leaning against the frame, crossing his arms in front of his chest because otherwise he'd probably punch Dean in his handsome face. His old friend shrugs, clearly not comfortable with the question. 'Small town. People talk.'

He scoffs, only a second away from storming off the property. 'Never heard anyone say a word about you.' And believe him, if he'd ever gotten wind of someone mouthing off about Dean like they used to in their childhood, he'd have torn the whole village down just to see him.

Seth can't believe that Dean kept this a secret, as if he has no right to know his friend is okay. For the longest time Seth feared that Dean died that night, that Mr Ambrose hid his body somewhere in the woods and now it turns out he's back _and_ fine.

'I'm not that popular,' Dean tries to explain but Seth just waves it all off. He has no time and certainly not the patience to deal with those pathetic attempts at lying. Lucky for him he has a more important question to ask. 'How long?'

Dean sighs, turning away from him as if he already knows how pissed Seth will be when he hears the truth. 'Bout two years. Started working here last June.' He has no idea how he manages to not bash Dean's head in with a monkey wrench, but he saves that idea for later.

He hums, trying to let go of the anger bubbling up inside of him. It's not fair to railroad Dean, especially since he doesn't know what happened in the five years before he decided to return home. 'So, what're you doin' in the city?'

'Studying Law.' Despite everything, Seth can't keep the lightness out of his voice, still very sure that he chose the right future after seeing how helpless Dean and his mother had been all their life. Dean nods impressed, leaning against the Camaro right next to him, shoulders touching for a second. It's unbelievable how this one, tiny contact sets his whole body aflame.

'What'll you major in?' Of course Dean has to ask the million dollar question. He closes his eyes and lets the sun shine down on him, knowing full well what face Dean will make once he'll share this detail. 'Domestic violence.'

For a while he only hears the wind rustle through the treetops, but there's no need to look at Dean anyway. And he really wants to give his old friend the chance to compose himself, after realizing that Seth chose this path because of him.

'You'll be fantastic, it's in your blood.' No, he's never been able to aid anyone or else Dean would never have left him. That evening wouldn't have happened if he'd only been strong enough. But it did and his whole life got turned upside down. Knowing that he wants no one else to ever suffer the same fate as them, he decided to help those who cannot help themselves.

'So,' Dean suddenly bursts out, pushing himself off the car and forcing Seth to make eye contact again. 'You made her die right in front of me.' Wow, that was short. And totally not satisfying. He has so many more things he wants to ask, to share; they have so much catching up to do.

But Dean has closed the door on him and he knows better than to try and push him into doing anything. So for now, he's willing to play this stupid game, more or less patiently waiting for his move.

'All planned,' he smirks, letting go of his grudge, smiling at Dean like he really means it. Ah, this feels so much better. He's always hated being mad at him. 'I swear to God, she's gonna be the financial death of me.'

'Lemme see what I can do for her,' his childhood friend murmurs, urging Seth to get behind the wheel, so they can roll her into the garage.

Once the Camaro is inside, Dean opens the hood, an almost silent wince leaving his mouth. Black Beauty must be in pretty bad shape. 'Alrighty,' Seth speaks up casually, heaving himself on top of the car roof, which immediately earns him a reprimanding glare. He doesn't move, cocky grin on his face.

This is just like when they had been teenagers; it's a nice reprieve from all that shit that has happened today so far.

'Anything else you wanna confess? Boyfriend, fiance, kids?' He has no right to get any answers, their time together is long since over, but he can't help it. And he likes to know where they stand, if he has a tiny chance to get back together with Dean.

'Nope,' his friend comments and Seth is barely able to hide his joy until Dean stabs him in his heart with his next words. 'I don't do boyfriends. Not sure about the kid part though.' The last part's supposed to be funny, but Seth's soul just shattered into a dozen pieces.

_No boyfriends_. Makes him wonder if that's because of the debacle his first relationship turned out to be. At least that's something Seth can work with. He has convinced Dean to be his boyfriend once already, he can do that again. Somehow. Hopefully.

Seth sags his shoulders and fiddles with a loose thread on his jeans when Dean flashes him a disarming smile, his heart melting instantly. God, he hasn't felt like this in forever. It's amazing and pathetic at the same time. He's definitely a lost cause.

'And you? Any smart college kids waiting in line to get a piece of you?' Is that jealousy he hears? Oh God, please let it be jealousy. Sadly, he also realizes that Dean hasn't gotten rid of this particular character trait. His old friend still thinks he's not intelligent enough or worthy of anything in his life.

'No,' Seth heaves a long-suffering sigh, debating with himself if he should tell Dean that he was never able to get over him. 'But?' the other correctly assumes that there's more to it, making Seth want to cuddle up to him tonight.

' _But_ I just realized I'm kinda in love with someone.' He almost falls off the roof when the smile on Dean's face dies, a fake one replacing it. 'That's nice,' he grits out and Seth is barely able to stifle the laugh that wants to escape. Dean isn't over him either, but pretends he doesn't care because he's still that though, strong, yet scared and lonely boy Seth fell in love with over a decade ago.

'Lucky guy. Or girl?' 'Guy,' Seth shakes his head and crosses his legs, watching how Dean vanishes behind the hood to inspect the motor once more. At least, that's what he wants Seth to think. He knows him better than anyone though, is perfectly aware of the fact that Dean needs a second to put his mask back on to not show Seth any of his weaknesses.

As if he doesn't know them already.

'I missed you.' He can't not tell Dean, the most important person in his entire life, that he hasn't forgotten about him in the meantime. That he thought about him day in, day out. And he kinda hopes that his ex-boyfriend will admit the same, so they can skip the whole charming the other part and get to the good stuff.

But Dean's nowhere near ready, the admission making him flinch so badly that he rams the back of his head against the hood. Seth can't just waltz into his life and expect things to be like they used to be. Dean might seem happy and relaxed but he's still completely guarded and afraid of opening up. By now, probably because of different reasons.

Seth jumps down the car and laughs heartily, clapping Dean on the shoulder to show him it's okay if he doesn't say anything; he shouldn't feel pressured to do anything he's not able to.

This is going to be challenging, since Dean is the toughest nut Seth knows. He cracked him once though. Should be a piece of cake now that he knows all the tricks already.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'Dean has a habit of disappearing out of my life.'_

Dean hasn't seen Seth for four months and it's bothering him to no end. Yes, he was the one who told Roman to lie to him, so he would back off but now that he's gone, Dean wants nothing more than for Seth to show up again. Even if it would only be because of the Chevy.

He's made a huge mistake by asking Ro to keep Seth off his back because he realized that he pushed away the only person he wants in his life – other than Roman.

But when he got back home, he learned that Seth's parents got divorced and his mom remarried a Mexican. Seth now has a huge family, with two step-siblings and a father that actually gives a crap. And he heard the news that Seth – the town's most brilliant and charming kid – left for Des Moines to study at the Drake University Law School.

He knows every last detail that happened in his friend's life ever since he left him in the dead of the night, but he thought it'd be better if Seth wouldn't get wind of that. He thought a lot of things and all of them turned out to be horribly wrong.

Leaving Seth, running away, had been his first major mistake, ending up as the average junkie his second, almost killing himself the third and pushing Seth away the fourth and final one. Four decision in his life that he can never take back again, that ruined everything.

'Want a beer?' Ro's voice jerks him out of his thoughts and Dean nods automatically, even though his best friend can't even see him, since he's lying on the ground, a Hyundai on top of him, staring at the underside of the car for the past half hour without moving a muscle.

'Sure,' he grunts, running his fingers over the black surface, painting something unrecognizable into the dirt while he listens to Roman walk into the tiny office in the back. He's so absorbed in his task that he doesn't hear another set of footsteps approaching him.

Thank God there's a car right above him or else his visitor would see the gladness creeping over his face. He never dared to hope he'd hear that voice again.

'Care to take a look at her?' Seth breaks the silence and Dean can see him crouch down next to the Hyundai, patting him lightly on the leg. The touch sadly doesn't last longer than it has to but at the moment he really isn't in a position to lament. 'Something's constantly draining the battery and I can't afford to buy a new one every few weeks.'

Dean tries not to move too fast while getting up to face his friend – he doesn't want to appear as eager and desperate as he is – but there's nothing he can do about his treacherous mouth. 'Seth, holy fuck, you're back.' For God's sake, this is his fault. He is responsible for Seth staying out of his life; he shouldn't make it too obvious that he regrets this more than anything else.

So Dean clears his throat and stands up, a little disappointed that Seth didn't try to help him, and walks over to his baby. He misses her almost as much as his friend; still amazed he took care of her. Seth never once asked Dean if he wants the Camaro back, and even though he has no right to call her his again, he'd sure love to take her for one last ride.

Preferably with Seth riding shotgun.

'I mean, sure thing,' he corrects himself, biting on his cheek to stop uttering nonsense. He's not used to being this insecure, but Seth has always been able to get him all flustered.

If he treads carefully now and doesn't fuck it up, this will be his last chance to convince Seth of being a part of his life. He would like it better being in a relationship with him, but he could also live with them only being friends. As long as Seth is by his side, he won't complain.

Before he ran into Roman to steal his wallet and buy himself some more drugs, he had this hole in his chest, a void that couldn't even be filled by heroin or crack. But then Ro chased after him to get his money back and took Dean in without pitying him, helped him get his life back in order, and Dean thought that all he needed to be happy was a brother, a family.

For a few months it did work. Roman was all he ever wanted. But since he was now back in Iowa, his home town at that – what a cruel joke by destiny, right? –, he went back to his house and found not only strangers living there, but also Seth being gone.

And suddenly he knew what was missing in his life. It wasn't the family he never truly had. It was Seth all along. Not just because he left him bleeding and hurt to lure his father away from him and his mom, riling him up so he would chase after Dean until he could call for help.

But the Rollinses were no longer residing in the neighborhood and Dean thought he'd lost him forever. He wasn't able to talk with Roman about him or what they had in the past, for some reason worried that it'd be too much for his friend to handle and he'd throw him out again.

So he did the only thing Dean knew at that time: taking drugs to drown out the pain. He still can't say if he wanted his life to end or if it was just a spur of the moment decision; all he knows is that he's glad Roman found him before it was too late.

Because Seth might live in the city, but he's still around, studying to become an attorney to help people like Dean and his mom. He's chosen this path because of what happened and he can't even put into words how that makes him feel.

Dean holds out his hand and Seth lets the key fall into it – instead of putting it there, so their skin will connect – before he turns around to leave without another word. Wow, Dean never screwed up this badly in his entire life. And he did a lot of despicable things during his time as an addict.

'I'll probably need a day or so to determine the cause, but it won't take long.' Seth's car is always his top priority; not just because it used to be his own. Roman tends to turn a blind eye on Dean only focusing on the Chevrolet, no matter how urgent their other assignments are, since Dean is willing to work through the night to get everything done in time, if that's what it takes to get a tiny part of his past back. Even if it's just for a few hours.

He never charges Seth the complete price either, working almost for free on the car to make up for all the years his friend had to pay for everything on his own. Seth chose to carry a burden Dean loaded on him and he can only repay him with these small favors, since his friend refuses to let him into his life again. All thanks to a dumb lie he made up when he started to panic.

Seth had always been too good for him. He knew he'd tainted his innocence in their youth forever. If he'd let him in again, he would just drag his friend with him into the darkness but for once Dean wanted to do something right. Seth's soul should stay as pure as it is.

'Don't sweat it, I have a ride,' Seth waves his concern off, pointing to a guy on a motorbike that comes to a halt in this very moment, the driver taking off his helmet to reveal rainbow-colored hair. He can't help but raise his eyebrows because fuck, that guy looks like he was born to be Seth's partner.

'Thought you might like to see her again.' Dean forces himself to stop staring at the guy and swallows the bile back that's crawling up his throat. He never hated himself so much than in this very moment. It's his own fault he feels like shit now because Seth chose not to wait for him any longer and he let him go, thinking it'd be best for everyone involved.

Turns out, it wasn't for the good of anyone, expect for Rainbow Dash over there, who's the luckiest jerk on earth.

'Yeah, never believed you'd keep her,' he says more to himself, eyes wandering back to Seth's date, his chest feeling as if someone is holding his head under water, lungs rapidly filling with the deadly liquid, making it impossible to breathe. Seth smiles warmly at his friend before he looks at Dean with distant and cold eyes, stating matter-of-factly, 'I _did_ wanna sell her but like I said, good car, so thanks for leaving her to me.'

He didn't exactly leave her behind for Seth. Not in the way his friend thinks. When he ran away, his dad on his heels, he had the key in his jeans pockets. After he managed to get rid of his father he called the ambulance, so they would take care of Seth and his mom before his dad got home. Then, a few days later, he sent the car key back per mail with his last dollar, moving on eastwards until he lost himself in Ohio. Figuratively and literally.

No matter how Seth came into the Camaro's possession, Dean is still relieved he kept her. It means that a small part of Dean was always with him – other than his obsession to help people in need. Seems like Dean made a pretty huge impact on Seth's life.

He was the biggest idiot on earth to shut Seth out because of his completely justified insecurities. Now he has to watch how life goes on without him. If he's lucky Seth will swing by once in a while, but when has Lady Luck ever been on his side?

'A friend of yours?' Why is he doing this to himself? It's not like Seth ever hung around with strangers. He's a charismatic guy, but he always had this _I don't really like people_ attitude going on. His friend frowns, for a moment not getting what Dean is hinting at. 'Hm? Oh, yeah. We're inseparable.'

What a nice way to say _you've had your chance; I replaced you. Your bad, buddy. I was yours and you threw me away. I've moved on, so don't assume you could crawl back to me_. He thinks about congratulating Seth, but he doesn't want the situation to be any more awkward than it already is.

'If you leave your number I'll call you when she's ready.' He might have missed his cue in the past, however, he isn't willing to back down so easily. Dean won't destroy Seth's relationship with the guy – he doesn't want to take this away from his friend – but he will show him that he was wrong and that Seth should reconsider.

If he'd have his number, he could subtly fake accidental texts or butt calls, all those little tricks that might guarantee him some time alone with Seth.

'No thanks,' his friend pisses on his parade with a disdainful glare, destroying all plans he had come up. 'I'll get her next weekend. Sound good?' No, of course not. That sounds fucking awful. There's this lump in his throat again and his lungs forget how to do their job, but he knows he can't show Seth how much he hurt him just now.

Somehow he manages to grin, even though he's dying on the inside, murmuring, 'Sure. Whatever you want.'

Seth leaves without smiling just once or looking at him like he used to – as if Dean is the only person on earth and the most beautiful thing he's ever laid eyes on – and he's a second away from grabbing a crowbar to bash in every car window he can, getting rid of this burning rage that gives him a headache and makes him want to go back to Cincinnati and pump so many toxics in his veins that this time he _will_ stop feeling altogether.

There's no way he will ever be able to fix this again. Story of his life.

Seth gets on the motorbike and slings his arms around the guy's waist, leaving Dean to whisper, 'Nice seeing you again. Missed you too.'

Roman walks up to him, not yet aware of Seth and his new boyfriend, proclaiming surprised, 'Black Beauty's back. Thank God.' Sounds like he couldn't be more relieved to see that Seth doesn't give two shits about Ro banning him from the garage. He hands him the beer, before Dean can sense the change in the atmosphere, confusion replacing exhilaration.

'Who's Rainbow Dash?' If he wouldn't feel like someone ripped his ribcage open, pulled his heart out to throw it on the dirty ground and tramp on it until it's just a bloody mess, he'd laugh about them associating this stranger with the same cartoon character.

Instead, he's sure he won't ever be able to laugh again.

'Told you he'd find someone better.'

* * *

It's been raining cats and dogs the whole day and Seth is already dreading his quitting time. Of course he didn't think of taking an umbrella with him when he left his room in the morning. He already got soaked to the bones after his classes.

Jeff suffered the same fate, but he couldn't care less, only stands there behind the counter with his drenched, colorful hair and laughs every time Seth runs to the toilet to use the hand drier on his jeans and sweater whenever there's no paying customer in the shop.

'Why don't you put your stuff on the heating in the back? Though I definitely enjoy watching you run around like a chicken without its head,' his roommate snickers and Seth just throws the soiled rug at him, before he rubs his hands against each other to help them get warm again. It's really freaking cold for fall, even inside the shop.

'I can't walk around with no pants. I'm not you,' he murmurs back, so the five people sitting at the tables won't be able to hear him. Seth looks at the coffee machine longingly, not really yearning for something to drink; he'd simply like to hold a cup containing a hot beverage, so he can warm his fingers with it.

Unfortunately, there's no patron in sight and he's definitely had way too much caffeine already. He's looking forward to the Thanksgiving break so much, because all he's gonna do is hide in bed to study for his upcoming exams, though he'd love nothing more than to surprise Dean on his birthday.

But since his first exam is just a day later, it'd be the eight year anniversary of Dean's disappearance _and_ they still treat each other like strangers, he'll have to stick to his original plan. His graduation is more important than this crush.

Speaking of the devil, look who barges into the shop, soaking wet, looking completely out of place, blue eyes searching for his. It's heartbreaking how this huge, relieved smile flashes over Dean's face as soon as he sees that Seth is indeed here.

His whole body is screaming that he should get his old friend a warm blanket, some dry clothes, a coffee and a hug; but he drowns out the voices in his head pleading at him and busies himself with rearranging the pastries, avoiding to look at Dean at all costs.

'Something wrong with her?' he asks brusquely, ignoring the loud, annoyed huff from Jeff behind him. He kinda hopes Dean visits him because of the Camaro, because if he doesn't, he's here to talk about them. And Seth has never been able to resist a miserable looking Dean.

But he's still mad at himself and Dean alike. Seth sure won't beg to be a part of his life again, unless he's a hundred percent sure that no one will chicken out. He wouldn't survive going through this another time.

Seth barely made it out alive when it first happened.

'No, no, she's fine,' Dean assures him hurriedly, stepping closer to maybe get Seth to finally look him in the eyes. Well, good luck with that. 'Waiting for you to get her.' Seth nods, cursing himself for being so fucking obstinate. But he swore that he wouldn't let Dean break his heart ever again.

Either Dean makes the first, very obvious move or they were never meant to be.

Coming here might be something big for his childhood friend, but it's not enough. 'Thanks. That was fast.' _Stop it, Seth. What the heck are you doing? This is Dean, your Dean. Don't try to tell me you haven't already forgiven him for everything, that you would have acted any differently in his place. Stop pushing him away._

_You need him and he needs you. Please, Seth, don't do this._

Dean probably smiles at him when he says, 'She was my number one priority.' _Really? What else do you need?_ 'Some things never change,' he remarks way too grouchy, earning himself another lecture from his heart. _No, you colossal moron. Ask him if he wants anything. Don't you dare let him leave just like that._

Alright, fine. Just shut up, he internally yells back frustrated, heeding his own damn advice. 'What can I get you? Aside from a towel maybe.' His body moves without his consent and he finally does look at Dean, who's thankfully checking out the display, trying to find out what he can buy without risking to get something he would spit out immediately.

Dean has always been very picky with his food, never experimented if he could avoid it. He is a creature of habit that likes the simple pleasures in life, so it's no real surprise when he looks at Seth kinda lost, mumbling, 'Whatever you like the most and that last piece of carrot cake over there.'

Interesting. Back in the day, Dean despised carrot cake, mocked Seth for loving it to bits and pieces. Yet he once tried to bake one for his fifteenth birthday. That was the most disgusting, burnt pie he's ever tasted, and still he ate the whole damn thing because Dean had looked so proud and happy.

That was the only time in his life when barfing had been worth it. It's stupid, but he'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Since there's only one piece of the cake left, he saves it before someone else comes in and buys it. Not that there's anyone who looks like they'd get up to order something or even enter the coffee shop, but hey, one never knows.

He puts it on a plate and reaches around Jeff – who is standing in the corner, watching them grinning like the Cheshire Cat, having the time of his life because he knows how fatally attracted Seth is to Dean – to get a fork and a handkerchief.

_Ask him something, keep this conversation going. Please, Seth, he's trying to meet you halfway._ 'What will it cost? Just so I know how many double shifts I need to take.' That's a start, right? He's still far from being polite to his former friend, but at least he listens to that begging voice inside of his head instead of ignoring it.

Dean waves it off, gaze fixed on Seth's fingers that drum impatiently on the counter. 'Don't worry, it's not much. I got it covered.' Oh no. Dean won't get to do that. Not anymore. 'She's my car now, so I'll pay the bill,' Seth insists sternly, finally remembering that Dean has already ordered something to drink.

Or not really. He just asked for whatever Seth can recommend, so he decides to make his own favorite coffee.

'Fifty bucks and we're even,' Dean offers, equally stubborn about this whole matter. Jeez, this conversation feels like they're fighting over the Camaro like it's their child and they can't figure out this whole joint custody thing.

'Fine,' he sighs, eternally grateful that Dean gives him a discount, because he's really broke at the moment. And it's Christmas soon, which means he has to buy presents. Good thing he doesn't have that many friends.

At the edge of his vision he can see Jeff rolling his eyes at him, making little shooing motions with his hands that indicate he should try another move. If possible before they're old men with long beards and one foot in the grave.

'Here's your carrot cake plus one Skinny Peppermint Mocha,' he turns back around, cup in hands, the warmth spreading through his fingers and arms, sending a pleasant shiver down his spine. He wishes he wouldn't have to let go of the drink though.

Dean watches the plate and the steaming coffee standing between them, for some reason hesitating to take it. He seems to use all of his willpower to look Seth straight in the face and ask, 'Can I get some company to that?'

Before he knows what he's saying his mouth spits out, 'Always. There are half a dozen people here. Just pick one.' _I want a divorce, Seth. I thought you are a genius, then act like one too_ , the voice inside his head roars angrily at him. Thank God, Dean is more relentless and patient than him.

'I thought maybe you?' Okay, Dean is trying. Very hard. But Seth just can't forget that he'd never would have told him he was back if he hadn't stumbled over him in the garage because of a series of coincidences. And that's what hurts the most. What makes him feel like a piece of trash, because he wasn't worth a simple hello in eight years.

Dean ripped his heart out when he left back then and set it in flames, let it burn to ashes when he came back without informing him. So far he hasn't even gotten an apology.

'I'm working,' he hisses, fury conquering his brain the more he thinks about what a huge disappointment the past few months and Dean have turned out to be.

Jeff takes this moment to intervene, placing a hand on his shoulder to help him relax again. He didn't even realize how tense his body had become. 'You can have my break,' his best friend offers with a toothy grin that should be a cause to celebrate for Dean.

But strangely, he looks like someone just stabbed him in the guts and told him that if he dares to make a sound, he'll have to watch his whole family die. Seth knows that look all too well. It's the same one Dean wore when his father made him choose between him and his mother. Jeff and their intimacy affects Dean in a way that pains even Seth just by watching those blue eyes lose their intensity.

He's close to breaking apart, to forgive Dean simply because he can't live without him – he has tried and failed miserably in the past – which is why he summons up his last bits of strength and shakes the tutelary hand off his shoulder, gritting his teeth.

'Thanks Jeff, but no thanks. Dean,' he starts, mouth going dry when he hears the little bell over the door chime, the sound signaling him that Dean took off after Seth rejected him one too many times.

There's a twenty dollar bill lying on the counter; the carrot cake and the coffee still standing there. He can't help but stare at them, the sudden realization why Dean left his order behind causing his knees to give out. Jeff catches him before he hits his head on the register, positioning him against the wall until he can stand on his own again.

Seth's chest hurts, constricts, and a wave of nausea makes him double over. He is such an idiot. How could he not see? _He_ loves carrot cake. Skinny Peppermint Mocha is _his_ favorite blend.

The pie thing Dean obviously still remembered from their childhood, and since he didn't know about the coffee he explicitly asked for whatever Seth would choose. Dean came here to talk, to show him he still cares, that he still wants to know what's going on in Seth's life.

How much he has changed and if there's any hope left for them as friends. Or a couple. Dean sought him out to try and make up for all the things he did wrong and Seth turned him down like he's some sort of nuisance.

Jeff claps him on the arm, making sure he won't collapse, a knowing look flashing over his face. It must be pretty obvious that Seth just single-handedly ruined the one good thing that's ever happened to him.

'Dean has a habit of disappearing out of my life,' he finishes his sentence, voice breaking at the end, but he doesn't even care anymore. Jeff has been at his side through all of this – the two of them shared a room in a mental hospital five years ago. He has seen Seth cry more often than he can count anymore.

But he has also always been the voice of reason when Seth was at the end of his rope, proving once more why he managed to worm his way into his heart without even trying to.

'Then maybe you should run after him and make sure he stays.' He doesn't even doubt that it has to be him, that he once again should be the one who gets this whole thing going. Just because apparently, he's also the one who can't let go of the past until he has had his proper talk.

And because he'd never forgive himself if he ignores Jeff's advice.

He looks out the window, watches the water falling heavily against the glass, thinking about Dean walking away from him and out of his life once and for all in the pouring rain. 'What if he doesn't want to?' he asks, the question almost breaking him. Seth can't even think about that or he'll wither away on the spot.

Jeff lifts his chin with his index finger and smiles so confidently that Seth has no other choice but to hold on to that hope with all his might. 'Only one way to find out.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an emotional wreck right now (I saw The Hobbit in 3D/IMAX and I cried my eyes out), so all I'll say is that tomorrow I'll upload the chapter about last week's Raw over at LTWK. Even though I wanted to stop writing that, every week something happens that makes my muse go _write it, write it_. For more info just visit me over at [ambrollinsgirl](http://ambrollinsgirl.tumblr.com/).

**December 6th, 2008**

'No, Dean, it's frigging freezing.' 'Just for a little while,' he chuckles, pushing Seth towards the Camaro and bending down to pick up some snow, forming a ball to throw it at his friend's back. 'Seriously? What are we, twelve?'

Dean just opens the doors, very proud of himself. Seth slips into the Chevy, holding out his red, clammy fingers demandingly so Dean can warm them. 'You and your car, why don't you just marry it?' his friend complains without any real heat, not able to be mad at someone who blows hot breath on his hands to make him forget the cold.

'Tomorrow I'll take you for a ride that'll change your mind,' he promises, kissing the back of Seth's hand before he releases the grip. 'That's what you wanna do? Sit in a car, driving through muddy snow instead of rolling around in front of our fireplace, celebrating your seventeenth birthday in a comfy house with some sex?'

He didn't give out all his money for the Camaro and his license just to leave her in the driveway the day he finally can take this beauty of a vehicle on a damn ride. And he doesn't care where he spends his birthday – on the road, in the Rollins household, in the nut house that is his home – as long as Seth is right there with him.

His friend readjusts his beanie, the snowflakes that are sticking to it thawing in no time. Dean can't help it, he just has to stare at Seth who might be a bit miffed but God damn, he looks fucking breathtaking. The two toned hair sticking out under the hat curls itself a bit, falling softly on his scrawny shoulders; cheeks blushed from the cold, mouth a dark red like he's wearing cherry lipstick.

Seth looks very kissable and extremely fuckable right now.

'Can we go inside? I think I just turned into a girl,' his friend whines, emphasizing his words by shivering violently. He rolls his eyes and pats the dashboard of his baby, before he slicks his wet hair back and pushes Seth gently against the door, crashing their lips against each other.

It's as clumsy as it can be, but Dean doesn't care. Kissing Seth is like taking that first breath when you break through the surface after almost drowning, like the liberating sound of silence after his parents got into a fight and it's finally over, like waking up in winter and the whole world is covered in pure, untouched white and you're the first one to leave any footprints.

It's addicting and the best and most fun thing Dean has ever done.

'Alright, let's get you inside, Frosty.' Seth just stares at him, mouth slightly aghast, still totally in awe when Dean shows any kind of affection in public. Well, semi-public. First, they're hiding in a car and second, no one in the neighborhood is at home. At least nobody who would sell him out to his father.

As soon as they're in the hallway, Seth takes off all those impressive layers of clothes, basking in the lingering warmth of the house. 'You never told me, how'd your pop quiz go?' Ugh, really? He loves talking with Seth about almost everything; school certainly isn't one of those things.

Not only cause it's boring as fuck but also because Seth is a genius and even though he doesn't brag about it, he always panics after exams, fearing he failed when in reality he passes with flying colors each and every time. 'You know I hate Physics,' he growls, walking into the kitchen, thinking he'd accept anything above a D. He has no real ambitions to shine in sciences.

'Beer?' he asks, opening the fridge, willing to do anything to stop Seth from arguing over school. It's pathetic that there's only alcohol, one coke and some mildewed cheese in there. His parents better bring back some groceries; Dean really doesn't want to eat dinner at Seth's house for the fifth time in a row.

People are already gossiping enough about their oddly close relationship, his parents and what's going on behind closed doors. He doesn't need to listen to them making fun of their penury too.

'No,' Seth's voice rings out, varying between disgust and fear. 'Remember last time we stole some from your dad?' 'Like I could forget that,' he mumbles, closing the fridge to hand Seth the soft drink, which his friend gulps down eagerly – even despite the cold temperature of it – Adam's apple bobbling in his throat, drops of condensed water running down the glassy surface and over Seth's fingers.

Dean turns away, trying to ignore the weird, fuzzy feeling inside his chest, pouring himself a cup of faucet water. He doesn't know what came over him when he offered Seth some booze. The wounds he got from that beating still haven't healed.

His dad had been wasted – what else is new? – and seriously pissed about them drinking his last two beers that he threw an empty bottle at Dean before he tried to punch Seth with his bare fist. Even though the glass had hit him square in the head, Dean had jumped in front of his friend just in time; the impact so hard that he bashed his head open on the kitchen table and lost a molar.

His father had refused to give up on getting his hands on Seth, but despite seeing everything double Dean pushed the man away and threatened his own begetter to keep his filthy fingers off Seth or he would kill him in his sleep.

Dean never cared about being his dad's punching bag as long as his best friend was off limits.

Seth puts the now empty drink on the table and runs his chilly fingers over Dean's collarbone to tug at his shirt, grinding their hips together; yearning for more body contact and this time it has nothing to do with him freezing.

Dean lights a cigarette and offers it to Seth, who just grins and smashes their lips together, sucking the air right out of his mouth. He's not a big fan of Dean smoking, yet he never tried to take it away from him. 'My hero,' Seth snickers and releases the fume through his nostrils.

And that's all they say about this matter, since Dean hates talking about his father or what's happening every day in this house and because Seth won't force him to do anything he doesn't want.

They both know that his mother suffers most at his dad's hands and that Dean only gets hit when he's defiant or interfering in her punishment. Dean doesn't take shit from anybody, not even his own flesh and blood, but he understood early on that it's better to spend his time away from home to escape this hell whenever he can.

'How about we skip the whole pretending to learn for school part and come to the good stuff?' He doesn't get an answer to that, and quite frankly, none is needed. Whenever there's a chance to make out, they take it.

Seth grabs the cigarette and extinguishes it in the ashtray before he kisses him hungrily, only breaking away to take off his shirt. 'When will your parents be back?' he mutters distractedly, hands roaming over Dean's body.

If he mentions anything under half an hour, Seth will be the boring one and say no because he has learned his lesson a long time ago. Seth is aware of Dean's dad hating him, that he thinks he turns his son into a weakling for the sole reason that his best asset is his brain.

There is one thing he loathes more than Seth though and that are homosexuals. It's pretty ironic that a lot of gay stuff is happening right under his nose. He'd probably murder them if he ever found out Seth and his son are what he detests the most.

Sometimes, Dean is only a second away from yelling it into his face, from grabbing Seth and getting it on right in front of his father. The only thing keeping him from doing that is his concern for Seth's safety. He'd never do anything that would endanger his friend; the only really good thing in his life.

'We have an hour,' he whispers against Seth's neck, grinning when his friend shudders and gently bites into his earlobe. 'That should be more than enough,' he hears the other tease him, not able to hide a grin himself. It's not his fault that they never last for hours on end.

Still, this calls for a little revenge. 'Naughty boys don't get to top.'

'I think I can live with that,' Seth moans, nibbling at his shoulder kinda impatiently, grabby hands trying to drag him along. 'Now shut up and take me.' As if they haven't just done this in the supply closet in school after their test merely two hours ago. Someone can't get enough today.

It's a bit as if Seth fears he'll never get another chance to be this close to Dean again. Like he'll never get this moment back if he lets it slip through his fingers. That's stupid, isn't it? They have their whole lives ahead of them and Dean is pretty sure that one day they'll be old and wrinkly, sitting on a porch and laugh about how horny they've been as teenagers before they go inside and prove that they still can keep up with their younger selves.

'Don't you wanna–' 'No,' Seth interrupts him, taking off Dean's hoodie and tank top, throwing them carelessly on the ground, 'there's enough space here. And we haven't done it on the floor yet.' Yeah, there's probably a reason for that and he doesn't mean the huge window front.

Not that he's complaining though. He'd fulfill Seth even the dumbest of all idiotic wishes. That should be a bad sign, cause it means his crush on Seth might have turned into something way bigger than he's comfortable with, but the thought doesn't suffocate him like he assumed it would.

'Bossy,' he murmurs, opening Seth's fly as they sink to the ground between couch table and television, hurriedly pulling their pants down while he chases after his friend's lips.

He'll never get enough of them; they're so incredibly soft, even during winter.

'Condom? Lube?' he asks, breathing heavily, having used up his supplies earlier in school already but wanting this to be a pleasant ride for Seth instead of something that'll hurt for the next week. When did he start to care about this stuff?

Another thing he admires about his friend is that he never ceases to amaze him. Not even in a moment like this. Seth groans enervated and arches his hips, murmuring hurriedly, 'If that requires you leaving me for even a split second, then _no_.'

Dean smiles and waits for Seth to hook his legs around his waist, so he can cover his cock with spit and tease Seth with the head of it, refusing to enter just yet. If it were up to him, they could do this all night. He can last longer than only a few minutes.

But Seth's always begging him to move faster, pound harder, as if they're in a hurry every time they have sex. Which might be true, since they rarely do it in their beds where they can lock the door.

His friend groans and pinches him in the cheek. 'I swear to God, Dean, I'm gonna saw off your dick if you don't fuck me _right now_.' Fine. If his friend thinks he can take it without proper lubricant, Dean surely won't try to talk him out of it. 'Don't come running to me afterwards and cry about your ass being sore.'

'Why don't you– ah, fuck, one more time,' Seth begs and Dean repeats his motion, this time hitting the prostate on purpose. '–make me shut up?'

They're quiet after that, the sounds of kissing and moans filling the air until Seth starts pumping himself, eyes closed, the gesture telling him that he'll have his orgasm soon, free hand keeping Dean down with him.

Both of them are so focused on each other that they don't hear the door open and fall shut. Everything's perfect until someone grabs Dean at the back of his neck and painfully yanks him out of and away from Seth; furious yelling echoing through the house before strangled cries mingle with them.

For a moment his heart stops beating – not out of fear that they got caught red-handed, he couldn't give two shits about that, but because he's never been more unprepared to protect Seth from his father.

'You fuckin' disgrace.' It's hard to tell which one of them he means, because his dad is snarling that into both their faces, while Seth scrambles back a few inches, pulling up his pants again, eyes frantically searching for his, pleading for help. But Dean's at a total loss what to do.

'Knew you'd make a whiny bitch outta him. Gonna pay for this.' Okay, this is directed at his friend and Dean hastily puts on his own jeans while getting in his father's way. He can see it crystal clear that his dad is already hammered and that this won't end good – no matter what Dean will do.

So he might as well seize the moment and tell the world who he really is. And what Seth means to him. It's about damn time anyway.

'Dad, no,' Dean holds up his hands, approaching his father slowly like he's some kind of wounded animal. 'It's not Seth's fault. He's my b-b–' For God's sake, this can't he that hard. 'My _boyfriend_.' There we go. It'd probably be a lot more heroic if he wouldn't get hit so hard for coming out that he falls to the ground, shaky fingers touching his nose.

Wow, feels like his father broke it with a single punch. Fuck. He spits out some blood, trying to sit up, head spinning violently. Every cell in his body seems to die the moment Seth's fingers graze his shoulders – the light touch telling him more than words ever could. Seth is about to stand up to his father because Dean's too banged up to do it himself.

'If you touch him one more time–' His friend doesn't finish his threat, but his voice leaves no room for doubt anyway. He'll fight and claw and throw punches left and right if that's what it takes to keep Dean safe. Never before has he been so astonished by and proud of Seth.

He can't say the same for his mom though, who stands in the doorway, a stricken look on her face as if she wants this to end but _can't_ defy her husband, too afraid of the consequences. Well, screw her. His mother might accept this behavior but Dean draws the line as soon as his dad drags Seth into their mess.

'Don' talk t'me, ya worthless skank.' And with that his father grabs the empty coke bottle and whacks it over Seth's head. Dean can do nothing but watch horrified how his friend sags down to the floor, blood starting to stain his blond patch. That's it. The one reason he needed to fight back as violently as he can.

An enraged outcry escapes his mouth, making his own ears ring while he tackles his father – eyes shooting a worried glance at Seth, who seems to be totally out of it. But even though his mind must be reeling, trying to comprehend what's going on, Seth's body still moves to only follow one order: protect Dean.

This was never supposed to happen. Any of it. His dad interrupting them, his mom getting beaten the living hell out of her on a daily basis, Dean falling in love with Seth.

It's all his fault.

As soon as he realizes that, his arms stops moving, which gives his father that one second he needed to take over again. Having the advantage on his side now, his dad unbuckles his belt and strikes him on the back as hard as he can with it – taking an extra large swing when his mother fucking finally tries to stop him, hitting her first on the chest and then the ear, making her lose her footing.

Shit. Seth is out of the equation, yet he can't leave his mother alone with his father either. Not when he's in a state like this. He'll kill her for always cuddling him behind his back, for encouraging his friendship with the town geek and watching Dean turn into a fag.

But Seth had nothing to do with that. Sure, he pined over him kind of aggressively, though that was actually pretty charming. Still, it was Dean's decision to start a relationship with him. Hell, it was even Dean who set everything in motion when they were little kids, throwing a ball at Seth because he was four, stupid and bored.

He crawls over to his friend, shielding him with his whole body, not caring when he gets struck with the belt again. He's had way worse.

Seth's head got busted open pretty good by the bottle, but he refuses to simply endure and survive this. Seth Rollins is a fighter too. One of the many reasons Dean fell for him a whole lifetime ago.

It's very sweet and brave, but Dean won't let him. This isn't his battle, he just got sucked into it. 'Stay down,' he tries to warn his friend, only now realizing he has a split lip and red streaks all over his arms and chest. He never felt the belt on his whole upper body, too concerned about Seth making it out of this unscathed.

The kid has the heart of a warrior, shaking his head with dull eyes, still attempting to get up even though Dean begged him to lie low. Somehow Seth manages to get on his knees, which probably leads to his father seeing his hopes dashed to beat the homosexuality out of them.

Before Dean can even react, he gets punched in the face – his eye burning as if someone poured acid into it –, accidentally tumbling against Seth, causing his friend to crash into the tv.

'You pathetic piece o' trash,' his father bellows, the leather connecting with his skin once more, a hurt, high-pitched yelp bouncing off the walls when his mom gets hit too. This is getting out of hand. Seth looks like he's severely hurt, Dean's skin feels like it might fall off every second and his left eye is swollen shut. He doesn't even want to think about the condition of his nose.

He should get a weapon to defend himself, but he can't leave Seth unguarded, lying on the ground barely conscious, and his father stands in his way to the kitchen. There's also still his mother, who cowers behind his dad, west streaks across her cheeks destroying her make-up.

He has to lure his dad out of here and call for help because Seth is in dire need of a doctor. No matter what he does, he must keep his friend safe; he couldn't do that to the Rollins family. And when this is over, he has to stay away from Seth, protect him from afar. It's too dangerous for him, now that the truth is out in the open.

Dean couldn't live with himself if anything happened to Seth.

'Think ya can protect 'em both?' If only he could. But his mother is getting beaten up right behind his back – he can hear her whimpering in between his father's furious screaming, things breaking apart, wood splintering, and it hurts his very soul that he's rooted to the spot, his only thought Seth's safety.

The noises continue until his mom's cries grow weaker, fainter, and by now he doesn't dare to look back at his parents anymore.

'Fine,' his father eventually gnarls disgusted, now taunting him with slaps across his head while he's still crouching over Seth, being a human shield. 'Choose 'tween your pathetic scuse of a mother 'n your cock-sucking whore.'

Dean's able to see this for what it really is: an ultimatum, a death threat. He'll go to hell because that's not even a hard decision.

_Alright, Dean. We're going for a run, saving a life, cause that's what we gotta do. It's always been about him_ , he encourages himself, closing his eyes for a moment, before he bends down and whispers softly into Seth's ear, 'I'm sorry.'


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the **first part** of the last chapter (I had to split it up), but since I started this fic because I loved the mental image of Dean as a mechanic (and I didn't really explore that enough) you can now vote for a little epilogue, set maybe five years in the future. Just message me/mention it in a comment if you'd want that =)

Strangely enough, it feels right to run after Dean. Not because he's been willing to do so his entire life, but because Dean is the only one worth it. He'd have already followed him eight years ago, if his friend hadn't vanished into thin air that night.

Seth might still be mad and disappointed, but Jeff has a point. If he lets Dean go now, he'll regret it for the rest of eternity. The time for this silly _who can ignore and upset the other better_ game is over. This is about their future and not some petty grudge that doesn't even make any sense.

Yes, Dean pushed him away, but he also realized his mistake and tried to mend things. Yes, Seth is hurting and too proud to admit that this broke his heart more than once, but he's willing to give Dean, _them_ , one last chance. He doesn't want things to end this way. Not after all the hardships they've overcome together.

For the first time today he doesn't mind the pouring rain or the chill in the air, his only goal finding Dean who managed to get an impressive head start in those few seconds. Seth prays to each and every deity out there that he's running in the right direction.

He's freezing all over when he finally spots the black leather jacket in the crowd, relief making him sprint even faster. He knew that the universe would bring them together again, like God himself glued their souls to each other the moment they were born.

Seth doesn't shout, just catches up to his friend and pushes him into the next alley. It says a lot that Dean doesn't look the least surprised that he caught up with him; he simply seems thankful that Seth changed his mind because he had been at his wit's end.

He wants to do nothing more than kiss Dean, forget everything that happened, but there are some things they need to discuss first. He can't move forward while he's only looking behind and Seth is sure Dean is having the same problem. He'll pour his heart out and afterwards, if everything goes the way it should, they can start over. Or pick up where they left off.

They'll decide that once they actually reach that point. _If_ they ever get there.

Dean doesn't waste a word, sensing that Seth has a lot on his mind he needs to finally let go of. His old friend just smiles tentatively and gently tucks a few dripping wet locks out of Seth's eyes. It's an amazing feeling and his skin seems to remember the soft texture of Dean's fingers, but he's not yet ready for such displays of affection. In case Dean will be a part of his life, he has to listen to everything Seth has to say first. And there's a lot that has just piled up in the past eight years.

There's no time to take it slow, so Seth blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind. 'You left me.' And with that the dam breaks and Seth is about to get the closure he never wanted but deserved nevertheless. It's so lightening that he continues immediately, all the while staring Dean down to capture every possible reaction.

'You have no idea how worried I was. I thought you were dead, that he killed you.' By far, that had been the worst. The uncertainty about what had happened to Dean after seeing the broken, bloody mess Mr Ambrose left his own wife in.

'I went to visit your mom in the hospital every day but you never showed up. You just vanished out of my life without a word and you came back without telling me either. I was your boyfriend, your best friend, your family. If anyone should have deserved to know, it was me.'

He's not saying that he would have condoned Dean's actions in case he'd have told him the truth. Seth just always regretted that he never had the chance to properly say goodbye or to run away with him, living a life out of the trunk of their beloved Camaro and just be free.

Instead he got left behind, knee-deep in a mess he couldn't seem to get out of, no matter how hard he tried.

'I get it, okay? I do. Your dad freaked out, I was there and saw it, remember? He hit me too.' Dean doesn't look away but even with all the raindrops on his glasses he can see very clearly how much his friend hates thinking about that night. There's a lot of guilt left in both of them. It's obvious though that Dean blames only himself for everything.

He made a choice and now someone he loved is dead because of it; no wonder he's afraid of letting anyone get close to him again.

It's cruel to continue his speech, yet it's also necessary. He can't start and not finish it. He owes it to everything they have been to say the truth, no matter how cold-blooded his words are or how much they hurt. Even if they break more than they mend.

He huffs out a sharp laugh that burns his throat, jabbing Dean in the chest with his finger. 'You know, I expected you'd break up with me afterwards, could already see it in my head how you would come over, still shirtless, battered and broken, and lie me right in the face that you didn't love me. That you couldn't be together with me anymore, that what we've been doing was a mistake. A phase, fooling around, whatever.'

After the incident, he even refused to stay in the hospital overnight, just so he could be at home in case Dean would show up. He never cared about his concussion or the wounds he had, as long as he'd be there to catch his falling friend.

'I was waiting for you, never sure if I should let you go so your dad wouldn't harass you anymore or begging you to stay, so we could be together cause that's what you really wanted.' That was the hardest part of the night, sitting there on his window bench and staring at the street and house next door to not miss a single moving shadow. He had wracked his brain what to do, what to say as soon as Dean would return home.

'But you never came. All I got was the key for your car in the mail days later. You didn't even leave it at my house yourself or write a small note to explain anything.'

He's never been so disappointed in his entire life. Not just had they been in a relationship for almost two years, they also had been best friends since they'd been four. Didn't he deserve an explanation? Why did Dean just up and leave? He can feel ire and resentment weigh him down, crawling up his throat begging for release.

'Were you ashamed cause you couldn't protect me? Or was I just a burden for you as soon as your homophobic father realized his own son is one of those people he hates more than anything else in his life?' _Drive it home, Seth. Do it_ , he encourages himself, lowering his voice to whisper a secret he never shared with anyone. 'I've visited him.'

Stormy blue eyes search for his, trying to force him to admit it was just a lie, that he didn't go see his dad in jail. But it's true and even though it was a horrible decision he wouldn't change a thing. He can see it plain as day that so far, Dean hasn't been able yet to go to the prison, to look at the man who killed his mother and ruined his life.

Even though his mouth is moving, Dean isn't able to utter a single word, too blindsided by the epiphany that Seth is so much stronger than him. That's not true, no matter how desperately his friend wants to believe it. Being unable to visit his father is no weakness in Seth's opinion. It's self-preservation and in hindsight he wishes he would have had any of that.

Seth sighs and collects his thoughts again, steeling himself for the following words. Even after all these years, he hasn't come to terms with what happened in the penitentiary.

'I don't know what I was thinking when I drove there,' he admits, sagging his shoulders. The sheer memory of that day makes him want to take a three hour shower to rub all that dirt and guilt from his skin; all the shame and hurt he felt when he looked at Mr Ambrose.

'I was still so _angry_ that he was the reason you left and that your mom had died. A woman that was always so friendly to me, holding me back to tell me with that sweet smile of hers that she would like to thank me for making you happy, for loving you.' She never dared to stand up to her husband, but she loved her son with all her heart.

'Dean, she knew about us. The whole time,' he makes himself very clear, locking gaze with his friend, so he won't have to repeat this. He doesn't want to make the situation any worse than it already is. Especially because Dean looks like he'll faint any second now. That or he'll just disappear again, right in front of his eyes.

'I know you thought she was weak, because she never tried to stop your dad, but she endured everything to protect you. To keep him off your back, because like it or not, we were pretty self-absorbed and didn't care about anyone else than ourselves.'

He doesn't mean to say that what happened was their fault, but he can't deny the fact that they never once stopped to think about the consequences of their actions. Mrs Ambrose was a kind woman and neither Dean nor Seth appreciated her enough. That was one of the reasons for him wanting to be face to face with her murderer.

'So I visited him after your mom's funeral – which was the saddest thing I've ever seen. Me and my parents, we were the only ones attending.' She deserved so much more than just three people mourning her death. And quite frankly, Seth couldn't stop thinking about Dean's cold, dead body hidden in the woods or dumped in the Des Moines River.

He didn't cry – he never did, always feeling way too empty and hollow to let it all out by sobbing for all he was worth – but, standing at her grave, his mind shattered completely, which made him reckless and foolish. He didn't even care that he had no real driver's license yet. All he could focus on was hurting the man that took everything away from him.

If only he had been able to deliver just one verbal punch too.

'He _laughed_ at me,' Seth yells, throwing his hands up in the air. 'Called me all kinds of names and how I manipulated you into screwing me with my gay mind control powers. He saw you fucking me in his own living room and he still blamed _me_ for turning you into a fag, as he loves to call people like me.'

Dean's getting paler with each minute that passes. Seth sadly can't tell if it's because he won't stop talking about his family – something he surely hasn't done ever since back then – or because he's reading between the lines. He really hopes it's the latter.

The rain keeps falling down on them, wrapping them up in a wet blanket, separating them from the rest of the world. They're in their own hell right now and Dean seems to be holding on to the last shreds of sanity, to Seth; hands shaking a bit, reaching out to him but he never dares to make the final move.

His friend must know that there's more to come, more they need to leave behind before he can throw him the lifeline he so desperately needs.

'So I sat there with two options. Leave and never come back, never think of him again and just live my life without you, cause you obviously didn't care about me anymore. Or stay, tell him that his son _loved_ to fuck other boys, to get fucked by me and didn't give a shit about his father's ludicrous mindset.'

He doesn't care that people can hear him, that young mothers cover the ears of their little children when they walk by or that teenagers stop for a second to see what's going on. Seth only cares about Dean turning white as a sheet, lips slightly parted as if he wants to say something but the words fail him.

When will it be enough for him to handle? How much more does Seth have to throw at him until he crumbles?

'I wanted to ask him where you were, if you got away before he could harm you,' he continues, mindful of the spectators now. No one needs to know that Dean's father is a murderer. 'If he's proud of killing his wife and that his only son's picture was now on milk cartons – thanks to me.'

Never again had Seth been so courageous than in that moment. To this day a part of him is still proud of what he accomplished, how he was able to look Mr Ambrose in the eyes without barging through the glass and end the man's life himself.

The pain of losing Dean had been crushing, overwhelming; it threatened to break him. He felt exactly like Dean looks right now. Only one second away from giving up living, from willing his heart to stop beating so all of this just ends. No matter what Seth says though, Dean stays silent.

It's bothering him so much that he wants to shake his friend until words start to tumble out of his mouth. Instead, he carries on with his story, hands balled into fists. Not to hit Dean, not yet, but to find an outlet for the burning rage and humiliation he can still feel today.

He'll also never forget Mr Ambrose's voice and how it had taunted him back then.

'Before I could even do one of those things, he started laughing again. Said he could see it written all over my fucking face that you left me, because that's what you do. Leave when you're done with people. That I was just your fucktoy cause he never taught you how to properly jerk off or take a real woman.'

He has to avert his gaze, needing a tiny break from the shocked and detached look on Dean's face. His lips won't stop though, producing word after word that are more like a weapon than anything else.

'Told me I deserve being alone for bewitching his whole family,' Seth whispers, not able to say that one out too loud, because all those accusations brought him so much pain, made themselves at home in his mind and envenomed him from the inside. He never had a chance to shield himself against them.

'That it was _my_ fault your mom was dead and you missing.' That's a heavy burden to bear for a sixteen year old boy and Seth couldn't handle its weight. 'Do you have any idea how long I had nightmares; that one day, I even started to believe your dad? That if I hadn't begged you to take me right there, if I never had punched you in the face for throwing a tennis ball at my head when we were little kids, that she would still be alive and the two of you safe and happy?'

Dean closes his eyes, his whole body seems to shrink with each new sentence coming out of Seth's mouth. This is hard for both of them, but it's a necessary evil. Dean needs to understand the anguish he brought over him; and afterwards he hopes his friend will share his story with him too.

Only if everything is out in the open they might be able to get their happy ending.

Seth walks the small alley up and down, breathing heavily to remind himself that he made it out of the darkness all these years ago. He had to fight for his dear life, but he found a way; the hope that one day Dean would be his once more keeping him alive.

'I went to therapy, got held back cause I committed myself into a mental hospital, not able to live with the guilt of ruining your life, of taking your mother from you,' he grits out through clenched teeth, disappointed at himself that the mere mention of this causes his mind to fall into pieces yet another time. 'I questioned my whole existence, thinking for a small eternity that my love killed two people: your mom and my boyfriend.'

Dean shakes his head weakly, silently begging him to stop but Seth has reached the point of no return. He's told this story only his stepfather and therapists and it feels so good that Dean finally gets to know the truth too.

'I needed _years_ to get over that night, to realize I didn't do anything wrong and not only because I tried to step in front of you when your dad was about to bash your head in with his bare hands. You left me.' Since Dean refuses to look at him, Seth steps closer, getting into his friend's personal space until their noses are almost touching.

Those three words have haunted him for eight long years, practically buried his soul under a pile of blame, shame and heartbreak. Saying them is the most liberating thing Seth has done in ages, so he repeats them over and over, now punching Dean on the chest with his balled fists.

' _You left me_.'

He's not using enough force to seriously harm Dean, but his words hit home anyway. The fact that his friend won't talk to him only aggravates Seth even more. How can he stand there and not defend himself? Is he not good enough of a fucking apology; not worthy to fight for?

Mr Ambrose had congratulated him that Dean was no longer a part of his life. No one needs a sniveling, backstabbing wussy and soon he would understand that the love he lost wasn't worth what it cost; in time he'd be glad it was gone.

Seven and a half years these words echoed through his mind, unwanted and way too loud – sometimes almost bringing him to his knees. He never feared he would one day believe them, but if that horrible man thought like that, who could assure him his only son wouldn't one day start to adapt that way of thinking too?

'You left me behind, made me believe you were lying in some godforsaken ditch and dying due of your internal injuries. I drove around in that stupid car of yours for _weeks_ , searching everywhere for you, neglecting my own life. Where the hell did you go? Why did you leave me?'

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being kinda MIA (and for disappearing after this update again), but life's... well, I need some time off. From everything. Hope you have fun with this; epilogue will come I don't know when. See you around.

Seth probably hasn't realized it yet, but he started crying somewhere during his speech. Dean had a hard time telling because of the pouring rain too.

The tears are certainly not born from sadness. No, Seth is long done with that. Those tears are fueled by anger, disappointment and incomprehension. Even though he tries very hard, Dean can't say if there's still love hiding behind all these sentiments or if the other is completely over him, dashing after him in the pouring rain to end their relationship once and for all, so he can finally be free.

After listening to the other side of the story that changed his life, he'd understand why Seth would wanna leave. And here he was, thinking that night only ruined him. He never imagined all the things his friend had to go through, never would have guessed he even spend months in an asylum.

Now he wishes he would have had the courage to come back earlier, instead of keep on running away. First from his father, then the fear of returning, and ultimately from Seth and the responsibility. He realizes now what a grave mistake that had been.

As selfish as it may be, Dean doesn't want Seth to give up on them and leave; and he couldn't deal with being the one getting left behind either. He can't lose Seth. Not again.

But in this very moment he's also at a complete loss what to do. How on earth will he ever be able to sort this out? He's hurt Seth way more than he ever wanted and Dean still has no clue how to make up for that. He's never been good at this whole feelings stuff.

' _Say something, for God's sake,_ ' his friend yells once more, not caring that more and more people stop on the main street to look at them hiding in the rain in this dingy alley. He can't even blame Seth for screaming out his frustration, after bottling it up for eight years.

He really should start talking now, because if he won't, Seth _will_ give up on him.

To console himself during his darkest nights, he tried to convince himself for the past eight years that not every friendship is meant to last forever. Sooner or later, Seth would have left him for someone who could keep up with him, who was equally smart and destined for great things. The only lesson he learned from thoughts like those was that there is only one thing that _does_ last forever. And that's the pain when that person is gone.

If the other still wants him, Dean won't turn his back on him a second time. He knows how rare and precious this friendship is and he wouldn't waste that gift again. He came back to stay.

His throat burns when he squeezes the first words out he can think of. 'I'm sorry.' Seth just stares at him, not even blinking once, before he starts laughing sarcastically. The sound is so out of place that he wants to cover his ears but he can't move.

Something inside of him breaks the longer Seth produces that harsh sound and he needs all his strength to not freak out in front of the tiny crowd that's watching them curiously. Why are they still here? Can't they just go away, so he can think straight again?

They stand there for a couple of minutes – or maybe only a few seconds, Dean has lost all sense of time – until Seth is done making fun of his apology. He doesn't have it in him to be mad at his friend, because it is kind of pathetic to beg for pardon now that all hell has broken loose already.

'Ninety-six months of dead silence and that's all I get? You better be sorry, asshole,' Seth howls, voice still dripping with sarcasm even though he does mean every word he says. He's never been able to turn it off as elegantly and efficiently as Dean.

There's a moment of utter silence, only rain drops crashing down on them, before his friend snaps completely. Dean doesn't try to stop his friend when he pushes him forcefully against the brick wall, head bouncing off the stone, making him see black spots for a while.

But it's still better than watching Seth lose it, tearing at his hair as if that's the only way to calm the chaos inside his head. When it doesn't work, he throws a furious glare at him and snarls, 'Is that all you gotta say?'

Honestly, what else can he do? Nothing would take away or ease the pain he inflicted on his once best friend, no words are fitting in this situation. This is not the place and time to tell his side of the story, to admit that he was too scared and ashamed to come back.

His taciturnity doesn't only upset Seth, but also the people watching their dispute with great interest. They obviously expect him to compose a love poem or lose his shit too, but he's not like that. He does get loud and aggressive, just never towards Seth. Not after everything he has already damaged.

Dean tends to forget how to think when he's in rage mode, so he does everything in his power to stay calm and collected. He needs his brain now anyway to come up with something – _anything_ – that will please Seth.

He's not fast enough for the bystanders, loud murmurs echoing through the alley, upsetting not only him. It's fascinating that Seth is the first to crack, turning towards the rubbernecks to burst out, 'What?' He would smile at how fast the crowd disappears if this wouldn't be so serious.

'Fine,' his friend croaks out, throwing his hands up in defeat, shaking his head so fiercely that his wet hair flies around, stray drops of water hitting Dean in the face. They're almost like tiny slaps. 'Thanks for wasting my time. Actually, thanks for _nothing_ , Dean. Eight years of my god-awful life I'll never get back again.'

Seth scoffs and turns around to go back to the coffee shop. He's not joking, not trying to play Dean. Seth means it; he quits. Their friendship, them, everything. 'Don't bother ever coming back. I'm done.'

If now isn't the right time to break his silence, then he's even more stupid than everyone ever told him.

'Don't go.'

It's a quiet, weak plea that's barely louder than the rain, but Seth hears it – has hopefully anxiously waited for it –, freezing on the spot. He whips his head around, body involuntarily following the movement until they face each other again.

'Excuse me?' There's a reason he stayed in town after he finished his detox, an ulterior motive why he sought out Seth as soon as he could look himself in the eyes again, why he wanted to make sure his childhood friend was in good hands and well.

He swallows around the big lump in his throat, heart going crazy inside his chest, beating so frantically that he's sure it'll jump out of his ribcage any moment. But that'd be okay, Seth can have it. He'd take more care of it than Dean ever could. 'Don– don't go.'

It's a start, that's for sure, but it doesn't convince Seth. He squints his eyes and takes another step towards Dean, practically hissing out a disbelieving, 'Why?' Isn't it obvious? God, he is forcing him to say it out loud or otherwise he will drop him.

It's surprisingly easy to utter helplessly, 'I can't lose you again.' Too easy, because that also doesn't calm his troubled friend. 'You didn't _lose_ me,' Seth corrects him with a sad smile on his lips. 'You ran away.' Yup. That he did.

First to protect his friend and his mother – who died anyway, completely alone at that; so, well done, right? – and then to escape life in general. For the first time since Seth pushed him into this alley, Dean moves, creating some distance between them in case the other wants to throw some more punches.

'I fucked up, I know and I'm really sorry. Believe me, there hasn't been a single day I didn't regret doing that to you, to us.' This whole mess was the reason he lost himself in a deadly cycle of drugs and other stuff he never wants to think of ever again.

Seth shakes his head and grimaces, a new wave of despair rushing through Dean's veins. He can't offer more than one apology after the other; the truth would scare Seth away forever. Even he himself can't deal with it; after all this time he's still not able to make his peace. He can't expect his friend to sort this out for him too.

'No, Dean, that's not good enough.' He feared that much. It's never so easy. 'I know you're sorry, I could see that every time I pulled up in your car. Could feel it the first time you hugged me.'

He's never been able to fool Seth. His friend sighs and rubs over his eyebrows, shaking his hand to rid himself of the rainwater on his skin. 'What I don't get is why you closed yourself off afterwards. Why you suddenly decided that our lives were too different to spend them together,' Seth continues, his body language showing very clearly that he is tired of fighting.

'I know that feelings change and eight years are a long time, but I also know what I saw when you recognized me.' Seems like this is it. His time to confess everything, because there's no way he can keep it a secret forever. Not if he wants Seth in his life. All he can do is being honest and hope that it's not too much for his friend to handle.

'I did,' he starts, not quite sure how to put this into words. 'I did some _stuff_ in the past, when I was away. Things that– you wouldn't look at me like that anymore if you'd know.' Seth pauses for a moment, scratching his beard a bit irritated.

'You took drugs and overdosed to end your life. I know. Rome told me.' _Rome?_ When the fuck did that happen?

As strange as it is, he can't even be mad at his brother for explaining Dean's behavior. As a matter of fact, the drugs are the part of his past that he doesn't mind talking about. They're not the thing he'd like to burn out of his memories forever.

He looks at the ground, dips his shoe into the huge puddle forming at his feet to not have to look at Seth. 'That's only half of the story. When you've hit rock bottom, you'd do anything to get your next fix. Anything.' _Don't make me spell it out_ , he silently prays to whoever's listening, but of course Seth won't back off now. In fact, he'd be curious too.

'Did you kill someone? Sell your body for money or drugs? Rob a bank? What was it? Talk to me, please. Open up. I can take it; promise. I care about you, Dean. I wouldn't be here if it didn't.' That's probably true, but Dean knows better. No one is able to deal with his fucked up shit, not even he himself. There's a reason he kept all of this hidden. Why even Roman doesn't know.

Dean is impure, toxic. Still he yearns for someone to love him exactly for who he is – the nasty, dark past included. Seth once has been that special someone but he surely won't be anymore once he realizes how broken and screwed up Dean is.

'I didn't kill someone,' he admits hesitantly. He could never hurt a fly, not after everything he went through with his own father. Because of his childhood he learned to direct his aggression solely at himself, so he'd never become a danger to anyone he holds dear. 'Neither did I rob a bank.'

The sound of the rain is too loud all of a sudden, the silence spreading between them speaking for itself. He can hear Seth draw in a sharp breath as soon as it dawns on him. Dean denied every possibility but one, spilling the truth without actually having to admit it.

He doesn't want to look in those brown eyes, but he has to. Dean needs to know if his friend is as disgusted as he should be, if he's gonna turn on his heels and get the hell out of here because this is way more than he expected.

Seth just stands in front of him, face kind of closed off, but not harshly so, blinking some raindrops and leftover tears out of his eyelashes before sagging his shoulders. 'That's– some heavy stuff.' One way to put it. But it doesn't matter since _it_ 'll come any second now. Seth's friendly but hasty excuse to retreat only to never talk to him again.

Who'd want an ex-hooker, ex-junkie and high school dropout as their partner? Dean was just not meant to be boyfriend material, this proves it all over again. 'Sorry you had to do that.' It's an apology but not the words he anticipated. He doesn't deserve any sympathy. It was his own fault he ended up there.

Because of his weakness he threw everything away, dumb enough to believe he could erase a couple of years out of his life forever without them catching up to him. Keeping things dead quiet definitely was the wrong approach.

He can't say if it's relieving or not, but Seth refuses to give up that easily after rejecting him in the coffee shop earlier.

'You've changed, haven't you? Defeated all that and made a fresh start. The Dean who did that is not the Dean that left me and not the one that's standing now in front of me. We all make mistakes and everyone deserves the same kind of forgiveness.'

He frowns, not quite sure what his companion is hinting at. Right now, this could go both ways. Dean's never been more nervous in his entire life, certain that everything will spiral out of control again if Seth says his goodbye now.

'I think we should do the same. There's no going back for us, no picking up where we left off.' 'Please don't go,' he whispers immediately, hand reaching out to hold his friend back by the elbow. Seth places his hand over Dean's, smiling softly.

'Who said anything about leaving, dumbo?' But he just claimed they're already beyond the point of no return. If they can't move back to square one or reestablish their former relationship, then what does he wanna do? He's deserting him, isn't he? Dean can't tell and it's driving him nuts.

Seth huffs out a laugh and looks at him as if he just accidentally stumbled into him on the street. The fuck's going on now? 'Jeez, we're pretty soaked, huh? I happen to work at a coffee shop nearby, care to come with me? We could have a drink on the house. Oh, and by the way, I'm Seth. Nice to meet you. Don't call me Sethie or I'll spit in your drinks.'

He can't help but crack up – not at the joke, but because he feels like Seth just singlehandedly took all his former sins away from him; a huge, oppressing weight got lifted from his shoulders. They can't just start over, they both know that, but until they've worked on their issues together, his once best friend is fine with giving him the easy way out.

He holds out his hand and Seth takes it, grinning like a madman. 'Dean,' he says, playing along for now. Seth tips against his cheek, smirk just getting wider. 'Dean, huh? Man, I once knew a guy named Dean. Was a total prick.'

'Weird,' he muses, following the other out of the alley. 'I happened to know a guy named Seth. Was a total nerd.' His friend laughs, clapping him on the biceps. 'Bet he was funny as hell.' Seth should know better than to give him such a good opening. A man's praise in his own mouth stinks.

' _He_ definitely thought that. Was pretty handsome though.' Seth's face lights up at that, the dark eyes behind the thick-rimmed glasses shining happily. 'Any competition for me?' he asks, rearranging his soaking wet hair to make himself look better.

Seth had always been handsome and one of the few boys in school who could wear long hair without looking weird, but the past eight years worked wonders for him. 'Nah,' he mutters, pointing at his friend's face. 'He'd never have been able to pull off a beard.'

'Neat, isn't it?' He juts his chin, so Dean can see it better in the pouring rain. This is exactly what they had all these years ago and it's incredible to have it back, to be around Seth again without it being odd. It's so easy to be himself when he's with Seth, because he's exactly what Dean wished for all his life.

He accepts Dean the way he is, has never tried to change him if he doesn't want it himself. He sees every part of him and thinks they're all worthy of love – even the horrible ones. There's no need to hide anything from him because Seth is so smart, he'll find out anyway and still refuse to leave him alone with his sorrow.

'Thank you.' For giving him a second chance and being this amazing friend even though Dean lied to him and tried to keep his distance.

Seth's face turns serious again and he stops walking, forcing Dean to look him in the eyes. 'I'm _not_ letting you run away ever again. I don't care what you did in those years. All that matters is that it's over and you're back.' There's no way in hell he deserves Seth but he's here and he'll always be.

Dean has no real choice, this has been brooding inside of him for a decade and he needs to say it. At least once in his life, because Seth is entitled to hear it – even if they'll never be in a serious relationship again.

'I love you.'

A girl passing him by is smiling at that, the random display of kindness making him return the gesture. Seth is so flabbergasted by his confession that he tumbles over his own feet and almost crashes into the glass door of the coffee shop. His friend looks up at him scandalized, flicking him against the forehead. 'Seriously? You needed all that tragedy and drama to finally admit it? You're a jerk.'

Eight years ago he came out and told his father Seth was his boyfriend. Now he did the next, logical step. Hey, a man sometimes just needs a hell lot of time to say the important things.

'Love ya too,' Seth snickers lightheartedly, looking back inside the shop with a grumpy expression, as if he just realized he has to work again while Dean can't stop smiling; these three words just made him the happiest man alive. 'Oh, and you owe me at least a thousand bucks for trying to get into your pants by making you repair your own car.'

It wasn't that much and Dean never said that hitting on him like this would work. Though he has to say that his Camaro is a pretty smart way to win his heart over. That doesn't mean that he had to fake emergencies so he could swing by the garage.

He sees this Jeff guy smiling brightly at a female customer with ruby red hair and the sight alone makes his heart drop. He totally forgot about this little, yet very vital detail. By now, he thinks a bit differently about breaking him and Seth up.

Hey, he never claimed to be an honorable person.

'I think I owe that Jeff a thank you,' he murmurs, a part of him grateful that the guy helped his friend take care of his baby and Seth alike, 'and an apology for stealing his boyfriend.'

'His what?' Seth bursts out, the hand on the door coming to a halt. 'Aw, you thought we were– Dean, seriously, you're an idiot.' Wait, so they're not together? How was he supposed to know? Rainbow Dash sure looked the part.

A hand cups his cheek and that ray of sunshine Seth calls a smile almost blinds him. 'But you could give him a big tip. Not bigger than mine though.' They're both morons, always have been. Why do things the easy way if they can complicate everything?

'What?' he retorts, holding the door open for Seth. 'I thought banging one of the baristas would get me free shit for the rest of my life.' At least a dozen people stare at them, but he doesn't care. It's kinda liberating that Seth doesn't try to shush him. He simply snickers before he raises his eyebrows, jabbing a finger at his chest to murmur, 'Careful, you're not _banging_ anyone yet.'

As long as there's free coffee, who cares? 'I've missed you.' This time he can say it face to face, finally able to give Seth what he wanted to hear for months already. Instead of an answer his friend raises himself on his toes to finally kiss Dean.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'Did you just agree to the two of us becoming three?' 'Guess I did.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. So, we finally made it to the end. I gotta say that I'm really glad so many of you went on this journey with me. I appreciate everyone's support no matter how you showed it. Thank you for being by my side for this and hopefully we'll see each other again soon. I love you all!

**5 years later**

'I can't believe you're a lawyer,' Dean calls out, head sticking out under the hood to look at them. Seth opens his mouth indignantly, defending himself on pure instinct. 'Well, I'm sorry–'

'Not you. Him.' Dean points at Jeff who sits cross-legged next to him on the Camaro's trunk, sipping a beer, dry stains of paint covering his face and shirt. His best friend is currently taking a break from doing one of his artworks that _Reigns' garage_ offers nowadays.

The two of them tend to spend their weekends here – whenever they don't work on a case – because Jeff's very passionate about this whole thing and his paint jobs have become pretty popular in the city. Dean's getting a lot of new clients just because people want to get their cars all glammed up.

Jeff's equally talented at the garage and in the court room which is why Seth's a bit envious from time to time. Though he shouldn't be, considering he's already a junior partner at his former professor's office for four months – it's actually a really huge attorney's office with lawyers for almost everything – while Jeff is his, well, Seth always says partner, but actually he's sort of his boss.

Dean had seen his friend's art the day he helped Seth move in with him and tossed the idea of offering something like this at Roman, who left the decision to the new owner of the garage.

Thing is though, Jeff enjoys painting as much as he loves helping families find a path out of their misery. The only reason he's not having Seth's position in the company is that Seth is way more aggressive and competitive.

His best friend takes another sip of his beer and tips two fingers against his forehead as some kind of salute and thank you alike. Seth can't believe Dean just said that. _Again_. It's not like he hasn't heard that sentence before. Usually Dean tries to pull his chains with it when Seth comes home late after winning – or losing, which sadly does happen to him too.

'You're brother's arm is tattooed too.' 'But he's not working in court,' Dean immediately retorts, pointing at Roman who stuffs the rest of his sandwich into his mouth, the huge Samoan tribal thingy standing out against his perfect skin. What kind of argument is that?

Sure, almost all of Jeff's upper body is covered in ink, but during work he wears suits anyway. 'He's the best, unconventional lawyer I've ever met. And he has a real rapport with all our clients.' Which is another thing Seth is very jealous of.

Dean smiles and wipes some sweat out of his eyebrows, mumbling, 'Bet he does.' He grins too, knowing that Dean doesn't mean it like this. Seeing Jeff now, clad in black pants, a once white wifebeater and armbands, taking in the artistically shaved beard and his no longer so colorful but still spectacular hairstyle, Seth would never guess he's a lawyer too.

After so many years working together with the man, Seth still needs a few moments to compose himself whenever his best friend walks past him in a fancy, immaculate suit.

He sighs and breathes in the hot air, enjoying the last day of summer while observing Dean work on the Chevy. In the past two weeks he's given her a new engine, battery, lights – a complete overhaul so to speak. All for free, since this is his garage now.

Rome's dad left it to him when he retired roughly one and a half years ago and Dean kept the name in honor of the man who gave him a second chance. Roman is responsible for all the paperwork, spending less time in the shop now that he's a proud father of two daughters.

'How much longer?' he asks, hopping off the trunk to stop staring at Jeff tying his mighty hair into a bun to mix some more colors without them constantly falling into the paint. Dean frowns at the insides of the Camaro, mentally going through everything he wanted to do before they take off.

'I just need to check the oil and tire pressure and then we're good to go.' Awesome. Though, no. 'I'm not letting you into my car all sweaty and covered in grime.'

Dean tosses a miraculously still clean rag at his face, raising his voice so everyone will hear when he spills, 'You don't mind whenever we have a quickie in Ro's office.' Of course he doesn't. Dean's hot as fuck when he's all dirty. Roman points accusingly at them, giving the black car a gentle clap on the roof, groaning, 'I knew it.'

Dean throws him a satisfied glance before he starts laughing, holding his belly because Seth's face must be the funniest thing he has seen in a while. Even Rome and Jeff join his laughter. 'You go shower and then we'll finally go for that ride you promised me thirteen years ago,' he hisses without any real heat in his voice, by now used to Dean telling the whole world about their sex life as if he's talking about the weather.

'Yes, ma'am.'

Jeff snorts and continues to paint in the blank spots. He really manages to make that hideous blue van look like a piece of art. Roman sits down on the ground next to him, following the skilled movements with his eyes while Seth can only focus on Dean who bends over the engine to check the oil.

Every time he visits him here, Seth can't help but realize anew how much he loves watching Dean repairing cars. The muscles that flex whenever he tightens some screws, those eyes that shine satisfied when he does hard bodily work. It all feels like he's witnessing real magic happen.

Seth loves to see beads of sweat run down his husband's face and chest – yeah, they're newly wed; he finally managed to convince Dean to get married, since they have the luck to live in Iowa, though it took him years to get there –, marvels at the sun falling on the wet skin, making it glisten. And he can't help but focus on those educated hands that manage to fix every problem in no time.

'You sure you're ready for this?' Dean looks up and runs the back of his hand over his forehead, leaving behind a large black stain that Seth wipes away with a lazy smile on his face before he gives him a peck on the now clean spot. 'As ready as I'll ever be. It's been over ten years. I need to put all of this behind.'

He's mostly doing this because Seth has been starting to drop the _kids_ bomb more often in the past few weeks, but he appreciates Dean's effort nonetheless. And he hopes that once they're done with _this_ , once his partner gets the closure he deserves for so long already,they can move on.

Dean has gone through many years of counseling to come to terms with his own past – they even did couple therapy, working on their issues together. It's been a rough time, but they finally are ready to begin a new life.

And it'll start with Dean visiting his mom's grave and his father in jail, before they drive to Cincinnati, so he can show Seth where he has hit rock bottom in life, coming face to face with his darkest hours while being together with the one person that represents the light that never fails to guide him back home.

Seth links arms with Dean, lowering his voice so no one else will hear. 'I'm proud of you.' Dean gives him a kiss on the top of his head and whispers back an equally honest, 'I'm proud of _us_.'

An hour later they have said goodbye to Roman and Jeff, finally sitting in the Camaro. Dean drives – it's still his car, but he lets his spouse behind the wheel as often as possible – right hand resting on Seth's thigh whenever he doesn't have to change the gear.

He is holding the flowers they wanna put on Mrs Ambrose's grave while simultaneously trying to let Dean's calm rub off on him, because he's super nervous to meet his so-called father-in-law again. The sheer thought of the man's face seeing them together after all these years makes him want to forget this whole plan.

It's weird that Dean isn't tense at all; seems like he's more prepared to face the demons of his past than Seth.

They don't talk – not at the cemetery, not on the drive to the prison, not when they're there, the only sound the soft purr of their grandmother of a car. Seth turns towards his friend, seeing that Dean is slightly pale but also relieved he's strong enough to finally do this. Thirteen years of wounds that won't heal are enough.

Before they enter the penitentiary Dean turns to him, eyes roaming over the building a tiny bit insecure, and asks with a hushed voice, 'He'll never– you know.' Get out to harass Dean once more, to make his only son's life a living hell? No.

Seth shakes his head determinedly; he has gone over the case files more often than he wants to admit and hugs him, muttering in his partner's ear, 'After today, all he'll be is a stranger that you'll never meet again.'

Dean stares at the blue sky for a while, breathing in deeply before he locks the doors and rests his head on Seth's shoulder blade. 'If I ever remind you of him, please file for divorce and run away as far as possible.' _Because I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you_ , his friend doesn't say but Seth hears it nonetheless.

He doesn't break the embrace, only places his hands over Dean's, entwining their fingers. He has no worries whatsoever that Dean will turn into his fath– _wait_. 'Did you just agree to the two of us becoming three?' 'Guess I did.'

They have lost eight whole years but what Seth got before and after totally makes up for everything else. He's so glad he never gave up on Dean, thanks a God he doesn't believe in for all the things he was blessed with.

'We're gonna name him Tyler.' His husband chuckles and lets go of him but refuses to stop with the hand holding, scoffing, 'Who said I want a boy? We're gonna get a girl.' Someone wants a little princess. Makes sense, since he's had enough practice with Rome's daughters already, being their godparent and all.

This isn't settled yet, but Seth is sure they'll find a solution. 'One step at a time, daddy.' Oh, he really likes the sound of that.

Whatever will happen in the future, Seth doesn't concern himself too much because together, he and Dean can conquer everything. Their future starts now.


End file.
